Excessive

Last night was screwed up... so screwed up. All the memories of last night are all molded together and out of order and I'm not sure which are real and which are made up. Michelle came over and had a shower, and I ordered pizza... we watched City of Angels, but at the start of the film, I took both my pills, and that's where things start to go blurry. I fell asleep near the last bit of the movie, and I don't remember falling asleep... I was actually shocked when I woke up because... as far as I knew, I wasn't sleeping. Michelle was crying when I woke up (because City of Angels rocks) and I got up and went to the bathroom. While in there, my heart started beating really fast (it sometimes does that, but then goes back to normal) but it kept going faster and faster, and I could feel my chest pounding, and I actually thought I was having a heart attack or something, and then darkness snuck in around my eyes and I blacked out.

I'm not sure what was going through my mind.. probably something along the lines of "uh oh, im dying", but I opened the door and stumbled to Michelle, where I sat down with my head down (to stop the blackouts) and said something (I don't really remember). After about two minutes I was fine... I just got up like nothing happened. But after that I don't have any memory of the night. I think Michelle played a little bit of Final Fantasy X, but if asked details about it, I wouldn't be able to recall. I don't really remember going to bed either... nor do I remember Michelle waking me up this morning (other than she did) and I don't really remember deciding to reset my alarm and go in late.

These pills just fuck me up so bad... and I forget if it gets easier or less side effects or whatever... but I'll stick with it. I guess this means I won't be going out tonight due to the fact that I'm going to be dead tired, after I take my pill here at work, and I probably won't be going out Saturday night either (and that sucks because I was going to get Cam to play me Goldfrapp and Miss Kittin). It's frustrating when you have to choose between feeling okay in your head, or having some kind of fun.

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