Excessive

I've had better days...

Today was terrible, generally speaking. I get very little respect or appreciate where I work, in fact, I'm often just spoken to very rudely and it makes me want to yell and scream but I don't, I hold it in, and barely talk.

It was busy as work, I had to do brunch by myself, and at the same time have a huge giant event ready by Noon, and it was just too much, and it got to me. I felt stressed and under pressure.

When I got home, as the night went by, I completely forgot I had a programming project due tonight, which by the way, I actually finished over three weeks ago, which is the hilariously cruel part, is that when I remember, I went to submit it and found out that I was an hour late, and now I lose 25% of my mark.

I've fucked up way too many times this semester and it's just too much. I missed my first quiz, I missed a midterm, now I've lost 25% on a project, what next? I honestly just felt like crying.. my eyes filled with tears and I just felt like collapsing and not being strong anymore. I've just been a mess for months, I can't deal with it anymore.

I fear going back to school. Maybe it's just the fear of change, it's the typical night. I'm sitting here, up later than I should be, trying to write, tapping my leg as fast as possible as a nevous tick, and I feel nervous, so so nervous. I don't feel comfortable, I feel scared.

I look forward to spring, and perhaps the changes it will bring. Maybe I'll stop being me, and start being me again. Maybe...

294 words