Excessive

I'm terribly miserable today. Yeah, I know, that sounds mighty dramatic of me, but it's the truth. I debated about wether or not to even write about how I've been feeling; It doesn't quite make me feel ashamed, but it's not something I feel awesome about openly talking about anymore. I figure it's only right to do it, because it's important that how I'm feeling is recorded to be looked back on in the future to recognize patterns or problems, or to see improvement or decline. So ya... feeling pretty down today. It's not really a.. uhh... depression, like.. a sadness or whatever, nothing like that. I just feel really low, really uninspired.

I woke up early; I went to sleep last night without the aid of a sleeping pill, and this wasn't because I didn't have one, no, I actually have an entire bottle, but I decided that the feeling of waking up without the feeling of dehydrated grogginess was not worth the ease of falling asleep, when on a day off I can stay up really late anyway. It seems this results in waking up very easily, as I woke up at 8am and immediately got up and got out of bed. I'm not exactly sure why I got up so eagerly, perhaps because I didn't feel groggy at all, and took this as an indication to start my day, but I did end up regretting it. I woke up and didn't eat a large breakfast, as Julie and I had made plans to get together for a late meal after she was done work, with Mel and Darren, so I didn't want to be full, I wanted to be hungry. I had a single piece of toast and a coffee while just browsing the computer, and reading a bit.

I kind of just felt dead... I stared at the blank computer screen and was thoughtless... I had no desire to do anything specific, I felt aimless... I felt bored, I felt like I didn't want to be awake. I sat down on the couch to try and amuse myself with Blue Dragon, but I didn't enjoy it, didn't smile, didn't feel good at all, so I just quickly turned it off and went back into the bedroom, and went back to sleep at around 10am, after being up for only two hours.

I went back to sleep until 1pm, which is quite a long time really, but I didn't care, I didn't want to be awake, so I was okay with the day being half over. I got back up and didn't really do anything. Michelle had left to go be somewhere else, and I just sat at the computer. Today was at least a good day in that I've got my schedule for my next semester of school, which I took, reformatted it by turning it into a webpage and using css to format it, and then uploaded it to my site so I can view it anywhere, any time. I wouldn't say it was fun to reformat it, but it felt good to read it and get a sense of what my day to day life will be in the coming months. There is a lot of time available for me to pick up shifts at work if my financial needs require me to do so, but hopefully that can be avoided. Monday and Tuesday seem like days where I could work 3pm to 9pm or something, and just do prep, but I feel like if that was the case, and I was going to pick up shifts, I'd really want to talk to Jeff about exactly what I would be coming in to do, because I don't want to be a line cook... I would want to do the things that I know will most likely get neglected once I'm not longer there every day, like I can come in and make soups, sauces, salads, make sure the breakfast cart is set up, and all that stuff. Hopefully I can get away with just working the three shifts like I did the last two semesters, but only time will tell... I have a feeling money will be tight, but at this point, I'd really prefer not to think about it at all.

Julie called from work and let me know she would be leaving around 3:30pm and would arrive around quarter to to pick me up and we'd go to the Malibu on Oxford. I got dressed and drank a can of beer I've had in the fridge for a long time, mainly because I felt like shit and wanted to loosen up a bit before going out to interact with other people. The time out was pretty nice, although I think I should've passed on more beer, but Julie and I got a pint with our meal. I had chicken fingers and fries, which came with a side of coleslaw, which was actually the main draw... I just felt like a good coleslaw. The meal was pretty good, the chicken fingers were pre-made frozen ones but they were still good dipped in the plum sauce and the coleslaw was pretty good. Hanging out and talking with Mel and Darren is always fun and enjoyable (and we're all going to Thrice in October). I got home around 6pm, and I felt almost hungover already... I had a headache, and I didn't feel good.

Right away when I got home, I just put my shit down, turned on the morning stream on my phone and laid back down in bed, because I felt like shit, and as usual, had nothing I wanted to do, and the fact that I felt so shitty from drinking, I figured just sleeping it off was my best bet. I slept on and off, listening to the show and dreaming weird dreams, waking up with different cats around me... I didn't feel great, in fact laying there probably made my headache worse, but I dunno, it just felt like the right thing to do at the time.

I think I got back up out of bed at around 8pm... it's difficult to remember, as pretty much my entire time at home today has been the same, uneventul, low feeling experience. I made my way to the computer, where I talked to Julie a bit on and off, as she was watching some Bachelor Pad show that I had never heard of, and I talked to Tom a bit and basically didn't really do anything. I listened to a new Trentemoller album that I had recently got, which was awesome, and I read a few chapters of the first Harry Potter novel.

I didn't really play any games today... I got a bit farther in Limbo, just passing a puzzle I had been stuck on since the last time I played, and I also played the first level of Call of Duty: World at War, which is a game I've owned forever but had never played. It wasn't exactly amazing, but.. I dunno... something was fun about it, but also not really that impressive. Michelle also watched the Star Trek: The Next Generation episode "Inner Light" which I had saved on the PVR for her, as I saw that it was recorded last week and I watched it, and it's one of my favorite episodes ever, along with the four lights episode, so I watch the end of it again. I find the episode to be very emotionally moving, surprisingly so really, it was very good to watch it, as it had been quite awhile.

Tomorrow I'm supposed to be going for lunch with my friend Nikita, who I used to work with but don't anymore, and we try to stay in touch, so we're going to catch up a bit over food. Besides that, I don't have any plans tomorrow, and hopefully I won't feel as down and miserable tomorrow. I don't have that great of a feeling about it really, but I can always hope I guess.

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