Excessive

Ah, what to write about... I suppose the pressure and stress I've been feeling today had let up slightly, this morning I woke up and went to school... I didn't feel as tired, nor as groggy. I felt a bit lighter to be honest, magically awake inside for a few hours at least. I couple positive things happened during my time at school that helped me feel a bit better, including an email from a professor letting me know he may mark a project worth 13% of my final mark that had been ignored up until that point due to a faulty dropbox and an ignorant professor. An email I sent in September was replied to finally months later, so I guess it's better than never, right? What this means for me however, is that there is less pressure on me to get a super good mark on this next project, as before I was going into it with a zero on the first project which meant in order to get a passing mark in the class I had to do very well on both this upcoming project and the final exam, and if I get a decent grade on this first project, it makes it so I don't have to get quite as high a mark, so... less pressure.

Secondly, I also found out the passing mark in Math is lower than I had thought, and there is no way that I can fail at this point, which I was actually worried about. Yes, it's shameful to admit it, but there were only five tests, each worth 20% and I missed all the class work for one due to my face exploding, so I did really poorly on that, and I didn't do that well on the others just due to not having enough time to study or go over material because I'm always at work. I know it's easy to make excuses but it's the truth. I've sacrificed way too much this semester, it's my mistake, my responsibility, and the blame is with me. I can still be pissed about it though right? Anyway, knowing that whatever I do in math now is just gravy, and that I can't fail, just releases me from all that stress as well.

School was in the afternoon today, so by the time school was over, at 2pm, the day was almost over already, which is never a happy thought. I took the bus home and it took quite awhile. I got downtown and saw that there was a 30 minute wait for my bus, so I went and had lunch at McDonalds (a late lunch, so what) and went and caught my bus afterward.

Once I got home, I wrote a list of things I needed from the store and also a list of things I wanted to do before sitting down to do school work (house chores, etc). I left for the grocery store at 3pm or so, and walked slowly in the cool weather. I listened to the morning stream as I walked, as I enjoy doing. I picked up the things I needed, which I kind of took my time with for whatever reason. I got home at 4pm, I was cold, my hands were in pain because of the wind, but I didn't mind too much. I unpacked my groceries and started doing my chores that I had written down. I took care of the dishes and changed the kitty litter, took out the garbage and recycling and tidied up the rooms. It felt good to have an hour or two to clean up and feel comfortable in my own house... it's important to me.

That took me up until about 5:30pm or so, and I decided to make dinner. I had pulled a beef tenderloin from the freezer and prepared that along with some mashed potatoes, a portabello mushroom, baby carrots, green beans and asparagus. It was a very good dinner, very comforting and warm and familiar and awesome. It was probably my favorite part of the day, the most comforting. After dinner I made coffee, grabbed the coffee crisp that I had bought earlier and sat down to begin work on school stuff.

School stuff meaning communications presentation. I expanded the rough copy I had started the night earlier into a somewhat finished product, which took me about an hour I guess. It was difficult to concentrate but I got it done. I then extracted about six slides worth of information I could ramble on about during a presentation and will write what I'll say either tomorrow night or first thing Friday morning. Afterward I worked a bit on client/server before deciding that was enough. I ran a bath, turned on some more morning stream and enjoyed that. Got out, moved to the living room and turned on Tears of The Sun, a Bruce Willis movie about a marine unit that's on a rescue mission in the African jungle. I know it kind sounds lame, and it actually got pretty negative reviews, but when I saw it a few years ago I was really impressed with the intensity and action in the film. It's kind of like Rainbow Six the movie, or something... there is something very video game-ish about it, and I think that's what I liked about it.

Tomorrow I've got my super awesome root canal at 11am, so I need to figure out bus times and find out when I have to leave by, and then I have to go to work right after, which I'm really not pleased about. Tomorrow will suck, I know this... I guess knowing it will make it better? Fuck... probably not.

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