Excessive

I don't think I'm a people person. My interaction with people today has reinforced that thought, that belief. I don't enjoy in general - the interaction, repercussions and total bullshit that comes along with people. I feel a pit in my stomach, I feel a darkness, a cold, empty feeling growing in the core of me. I try to fight it off, I even make decisions that are in my best interest, decide to do things I know will help, and it's just one thing after another. I came home from work so angry and upset, I simply got in to bed and went to sleep with no alarm set, didn't care when I woke up or about anything at all. I figured... maybe I was so upset because I was tired, maybe I was over-reacting or worked up for no reason, but there seems to be a consistent theme throughout the day, a theme of betrayal. Perhaps not vicious or obvious betrayal, but a feeling of being stabbed in the back or treated unfairly.

I think the mood that I'm in is making other things that might very well be negative, seem more negative than they actually are. It's kind of a snowball effect, one bad thing happens, and it makes all other bad things that may happen seem worse, and that goes on and on for the rest of the day, or until I snap out of it, but right now I don't want to snap out of it, right now I feel justified in my frustration or feelings of being hurt.

I'll get over it and things will work out... things will go back to normal, or I will find a way to deal with the consequences and life will go on. It does suck to feel trapped in a feeling, but I guess it's alright knowing that it should get better.

I'm not going to write about my day today... I worked, came home and napped, and then played Halo: Reach with Ben, finishing the game on Legendary, and now the television is on and I'm trying to come up with things to write... obviously quickly running out of ideas.

I have a day off tomorrow, so maybe it'll be a day to recover my spirits, to get back to a normal, a baseline of happiness. I don't have any plans that I'm aware of... I need to avoid going to the store, or at least... if I go to the store, I need to limit my spending and that seems to be difficult for me. I'll do my very best to write a to-do list and stick to it to control my moods and to control my sanity and control my day.

I'm starving and not tired at all, so I'll probably try to figure out something to eat before I go to bed.

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