Excessive

Iron and Wine are on Last Call with Carson Daily and they're going to be playing off of the Garden State soundtrack, and I want to go wake up Emily and have her enjoy it like I know she would, but I also know that no one wants to be disturbed while sleeping, no matter what; she'd just mumble and roll over... oh well, for some reason it makes me sad. Steven Colbere is also on the show, which she'd probably also enjoy.

I'm having a very, very hard night to be honest. I had a good day I suppose... I made more chilli, that was my project... and I did it! I had bleached parts of my hair the night before and I was happy with the results, and it actually made me feel decent about myself... anyway, tonight the bleach is gone, my hair is a flat black color, and frizzy no less. It's also really short in the back, and now I feel ugly and stupid and I want to cry but can't. It's stupid that such trivial things can upset me, but it's always the little things that kill. I'm so sad that I want to wake Emily up and force her to make me feel better, but I know that no matter the circumstances, no one likes to be shaken awake. The person could be being stabbed to death and screaming and grabbing on to you and you'd wake up, squint and just say, "mmm, marh.. what?" and then roll over and sleep.. so I know that it wouldn't go over well, or wouldn't do anything at all trying to wake her up, so I just lay here scared to death on the couch. I'm soo scared... scared scared scared. I remember happy times.. where did they go.. why...

On a related note, Marle loves me to death.

What causes people to lie? What causes people to be needlessly mean? What is it in humans that makes them feel like they have to put down other people in order to get people to like them. Why does a seemingly nice and innocent girl, turn into a fucking huge lying cunt? It just doesn't make sense to me... I just can't seem to comprehend the reasoning behind it.. *sigh* I really don't know what to say... FUCK YOU.

I hate Jay Leno. He destroyed the once great Tonight Show.

I need to make an appointment with the doctor tomorrow morning, because I need 1. something to get through these symptoms and 2. find out when or if I'll be going on new medication and 3. to bring up a few more points and/or answers some questions the doctor had about coverage. I'm totally falling apart, and I'm just lucky I have Emily to take care of me... without her I'd be another homeless insane person.

Check out this thread that some dashingly attractive and intelligent person made: http://www.network54.com/Forum/message?forumid=282157&messageid=1107930642

I guess that's all I've got for right now... I just felt like I had to get some stuff out of my mind... I guess I'm kind of less scared, and a bit more relaxed... so it served it's purpose. Talk to you fuckers later.

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