Excessive

Today was a day filled with attention deficit, an inability to sit and do any one activity for any significant amount of time. I tried doing chores, I tried reading, I tried playing games, I tried watching TV and I tried programming, and I didn't finish any of them or spend any meaningful amount of time doing any. It was frustrating, and left me feeling completely insane and uncomfortable.

I long for days where I can lose myself in my book, or play a game for eight hours and feel completely content. I'm not sure what it is, which stars need to align, or what preconditions need to be met, but those days do exist - they do happen - and maybe they wouldn't be as special if it was like that everyday, but days like today - days that are the complete opposite - are just unbearable, and feel so much like a waste of a day that it makes me feel sick inside.

I woke up at 10am or so, maybe a tiny bit after, and got up and had a small breakfast, just toast and coffee, and sat at the computer while I ate. I started doing chores - doing the dishes and cleaning the litter... sweeping. Once I finished that, and after a lot of walking off and walking back, I put on two loads of laundry, had a nice salad for lunch and watched some TV. The afternoon was more or less spent not doing anything, and just being frustrated. I tried everything I normally do to relax, but nothing worked. I felt uncontrollably anxious and nervous and weird and it sucked.

Once Bekki got home around 6pm, we walked to the store to get some groceries for the week. It was a nice walk, and while spending the money made me nervous, only because I was already such a nervous wreck, it was nice to get some food in the house too (stuff I wanted, not just stuff I needed).

I made beef stir-fry for dinner served with duck egg noodles, and it turned out very nicely. After dinner I... don't remember. I think I programmed. I eventually had a bath, came out here to write... it's late now and I have to work tomorrow, so I really should wind down and go to sleep. I want to wake up and make a nice breakfast in the morning, so not being dead fucking tired might be beneficial.

I work at 12pm tomorrow, so I need to leave by 11am, which means waking up at 9am would be best to enjoy breakfast. I hope I'm not super tired... I hope.

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