Excessive

Although I felt fairly good all day, sickness wise, I sit here at home, a time I could relax, and I'm starting to feel worse and worse. I've started to get a very noticeable scratchy throat, so much so that it's impacting my ability to feel comfortable at all... and I just sit and think about it and wish I was comfortable. On top of that, it feels like I need to sneeze at every second, and I'm just overall restless.

I feel nervous. Not just about the fact that it feels like I'm getting more and more sick, rather than getting better with each day, but also about school. I have nightmares about school... not Fanshawe specifically, but the idea of school. The... process, or perhaps the independance of college. They almost always take place in high school, and the nightmare usually revolves around me not knowing where my locker is, or not being able to remember my combination, or maybe what year's locker or combination I should be remembering, or maybe it's the nightmare where I can't find the classes I need, or that I realize late into the year that I had registered for a class but never went to it, or skipped it too often and don't know anything. These are the most common recurring nightmares that I've been having in the last few years, and I kind of feel that same fear looming over me in the last few days.

I think the real life fear centers around my new laptop. What if I don't get the correct software installed in time, and the classes move to fast and I fall behind because I don't have Office installed, or don't have SQL Server running properly or with the right database, or maybe I don't have Boost installed and it's crucial for everything we're doing. These seem irrational, I know that, but I just feel so nervous about it. I've been thinking about it a lot in the last few days, and I can't even do anything about it early because I've already gone over my Rogers bandwidth allowance for the month, so I can't download these programs ahead of time. Well, looking at the dates given on the Rogers website, I may be able to start on Monday downloading stuff. I would like to have Boost installed and SQL Server 2008 installed, and Eclipse, so that all I need to do is go to the IT office and get Office 2010 installed and I should be all set right? See... if I explain it to myself it all seems okay, but I can't shake this feeling of dread, this impending doom that floats over me.

Work was easy, although it felt a bit weird going in after so much time off. I handled breakfast easily, was ready for lunch very early, and spent the afternoon getting tomorrow's brunch ready. I left on time, at 3pm, and caught a bus home. Work tomorrow is from 7am to 3pm, and Al should be driving me in the morning. It should be a pretty standard Sunday, and I don't forsee any issues. I think I'll try to drop by the grocery store for snacks after work, and then try to enjoy my afternoon/evening.

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