Excessive

Lately work has been unpleasant. I shouldn't feel guilty for leaving after 9 hours, and yet today I did. I shouldn't feel attacked or insulted while at work either, and yet I do. It's a place I don't like to be, and only because of social interaction, not the actual work. People have a hard time not being terrible, negative, rude, mean people, and it effects those around them, and I just wish it didn't have to be that way.

I've got a shitload of school work to do; this next week is hell... project, four assignments, two midterms and two exams. I've been working on school since I got home from work, and I didn't quite finish everything I wanted to for today, but I've worked it out in my head so that it should work out.

• Saturday and Sunday: Finish ASP Assignments and Case Study 2 Completely
• Monday: Finish DirectX Checkpoint #9 and #10, and Plan #11

That's my plan for the weekend, and it should work out... I should be able to stick to that timeline. Starting Tuesday I have all my exams and due dates, so I can't really be working on stuff through the week.

Work today was okay... it was busy, and I had to go in early (6am) for the stupid church breakfast, and I got a lot of work done for the Father's Day Brunch, but again, I felt guilty leaving when I shouldn't have to, and to overall atmopshere that I was feeling was less than thrilling. Respect... that's all I want, just respect and like... don't be a fucking retard. A lot of the other stuff I'm feeling about work is kinda complicated, or at least requires a bit more of an explanation, and I don't feel like writing it right now since I have limited time. It's caused by my lack of being there, and the feelings of guilt that I feel, and the resentment others probably feel towards me, and then how that makes me feel while I'm there.

I worked from 6am to 3pm today, and took a cab to and from work. I came home and got to see Bekki for an hour before she had to leave for work, and from when she left until 6pm, I worked on school work (ASP stuff). I stopped and ate spaghetti for dinner, watched an episode of Mythbusters, and tried to relax with a coffee and Aero bar while I watched, but I couldn't shake the feeling of anxiety in my stomach... school work, and worse - the looming fact that I have to get up and go to work tomorrow. At 7pm I continued working on school until 9:00pm, ran a bath, had that real quick, and then decided to stop school work for the night.

From about 9:30pm, I turned on Mythbusters again, had some popcorn, and decided to start writing. I'm going to finish up here, lay in bed and read, and try to be asleep by 11pm, because I got about five hours of sleep last night, worked a lot, then had to use my brain a bunch for school crap, and I have to wake up again tomorrow at 5am, so... I'm either going to fall asleep early, or drop dread tomorrow... only time will tell.

I do find some comfort in the fact that I just have one more day of work to get through, but then the insane week of school work has me anxious too, so it's kind of a lose lose. Oh well, maybe I'll just snap out of it, or maybe tomorrow will just suck dick, and I'll write about how terrible it was tomorrow night, either way... gotta do what you gotta do, right?

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