Excessive

I think today was a good day as far as my mood goes, but as a day, well, it wasn't quite as good as some days. Work was retardedly busy, and as per usual, manager expectations do not meet realistic standards and that leads to um... disagreements.

We had like... four continentals, and then two picnic lunches, a hot business lunch and a grand hall lunch buffet, and then on top of all of that, a BBQ for 150, and with two of us there, one being stuck in the cafe the whole time because of a stupid huge number of people being in for breakfast all week (80+), that means I'm the only person to get all of that shit ready. I'll just start by saying that it's too much work for one person, and even if I did manage to get it all done on time (besides the BBQ which I left completely untouched for when Matt came in), I managed to stay relatively calm and stayed organized through it all, and even though it was a shit ton of stupid non-stop work, it could've been worse. Being overworked like that breeds a lot of complaining though, and just setting up bad moods. It doesn't neccessarily cause a bad mood, but it kind of just sets you up so that if something rubs you the wrong way or something pisses you off, you can just switch, real fast.

All that bullshit lead up to after lunch, at which point an endless stream of food came back from these breakfasts and lunches that took forever to put away, as one after another kept coming back, and to stay on top of that just keeps pulling you away from anything you might be trying to do. After I managed to get all that shit away, we had a wedding at night for 100 people, and since Julie is on vacation to see New Kids On The Block, there was no one to come in and pick up where we left off, so everything had to be done before I could leave, which leads to a frustrating long day, where blah blah, you know. I did the vegetable bundles, and then half of the orange kiwi nut salads that Jill got kick off of when she was asked to go home, and then after all that, I did the desserts, which were fifty chocolate cheesecakes and fifty berry tart things that I wouldn't eat in a million.

So doing all this crap made me stay late and blah blah blah, whatever. Work drama is barely drama, but it can be a source of some stress. Because I was working so late, and by the time I got home, I had time to watch one episode of The Shield and it was already like 9:00pm. No time for games, no time for shows, no time for anything. Disappointing to say the least, but I do know somewhere up in my brain that it's not permanent and that makes it almost okay. The fact that I just recently had two days off and wasted them just feeling like shit and not doing anything kind of makes me question what it is that I long for in the first place, why do I curse work and constantly say I wish my days off were here if when I do get those days off I don't even enjoy them at all, or accompish anything of value during that time.

It's kind of weird that even at 9:15pm, when I normally (roughy) take my sleeping pill, it's been still light outside, the sun is still up, and it just seems wrong to try and get ready for bed when the sun isn't even down yet. I almost refuse myself, I'm telling myself, "Yo Jordan, it's like 9:30pm, you need to take your pill now and mellow out on the couch and maybe write a bit" but I look outside and it's light out and I'm like, "nah it's like out bro, not time for bed."

So yeah, I forced myself to take a pill and change into my pijamas, and turned on Jimmy Fallon, and now I'm watching The Daily Show... probably gonna head to bed real soon. Yeeaah, really soon, like... after I finish writing.

Tomorrow work is gonna be pretty lame as usual, it's the same set up as today, busy breakfast and lunch, no one coming in after lunch, and a wedding at night, so it'll be a late day again, annoying and stressful.

It seems all I ever write about is work lately, but I guess that's a natural side effect of working so much, and is to be expected. I guess that's what's happened, I've never really written about anything but the day to day activities. It must get boring to read, if like, anyone ever read it, but I guess it serves its purpose as a detailed history of my activities through the year, which is the general idea of why I write in the first place.

I think I might be feeling better today, I don't even know really, I've had no time alone to contemplate anything, haven't been left alone with my thoughts to notice if I'm feeling okay or if I'm just tired, or if I'm still feeling down. I'm just feeling tired, my body aches from standing for eleven hours, my legs and hips hurt like they used to back in the day, back when it used to rain and I would be in so much pain, and yeah, I was feeling that a bit today, which was both strangely familiar and very uncomfortable.

I'm feeling really tired now, so I'm going to finish my snack, and then finish watching the Daily Show, and go to sleep. Tomorrow I will be tired, I will work hard, and then I'll come home, have no time to do anything, and do it all over again on Saturday and Sunday. Yay for me!

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