April 15, 2003 11:28PM
You are not a unique snowflake. You are the all singing, all dancing shit of the universe.
Okay, so what is it exactly that gives people the idea that they have any right or knowledge enough to intrude into others lives, especially in something extremely important and delicate. What is it that makes them think they can do something good? How can someone be so inconsiderate and thoughtless, when claiming to be sensitive. If anything, I've made it extremely clear to everyone near me that I choose not to interact with society. I choose not to have friends, to stay inside, to free myself of this society's need for childish games, mindtrips, rumors, gossip and bullshit everyone seems to get high off of. It's rather amusing to me, that after being completly isolated for almost 4 months, after spending all my time either in my apartment, on the bus to work, or work... that I am still plagued by stupidity emenating from the shit hole known as high school drama. You see, I still have a link with this damnable place; my girlfriend. Yes, sadly enough there is still one thread which connects me to such wretched, childish behaviour known as the average highschool student. I awoke early this morning, eyes wide open, clear minded and warm... happy, as some would say. Yes, as it is a rare occasion, I was quite enjoying it. As I was getting ready to start my day of sitting, the phone rang. It happened to be... oh yes, the dreadful ex, who for one reason or another, thinks it will be forever the greatest day if I'm suffering. Hah, I laugh. She always claim to care for me, claims she wants the best for me, yet she spews her lies, her deciet my way, only to peirce the very armor I've built up over the last two months. I was told lies, lies which I mistakenly believed. This lead to me being stupid, to me going to school, to me (barely) walking the halls, so fucking out of my mind I didn't know where I was anymore. I talked to Linzie, she told me the truth; the obvious truth, which cannot be denied. You see this was a case of a friend told a friend told a friend told a friend. Such bullshit I wish to be free from. Something I cannot wait for. I was put through hell today, and for what? Because someone cared? Well, I don't want your caring, your comfort or anything you have to give. You are pain and nothing more.
I hate me. I hate me for everything I can't be. I hate me for what I put Linzie through, for no reason other than to satisfy my demented mind. I hate the feeling I have in my stomach that never leaves me, that haunts me like a reminder of my imperfection. I hate all you staring freaks, who are more fucked up than me but you hide it and bury it away until you end up dying alone, unsatisfied with you lives because you finally figured out the one truth in your life: you are worthless. I hate all of you who think you can understand me; you may have the same disease, but all conditions, all variables are different; which equals different things. You are not me, you may think you are, but you are nothing like me. I hate all of you that think I can just turn this off, that I'm acting, that I'm playing a role to live up to something. Fuck you. You feel the way I feel and I'm sure as hell you'd go insane too. I hate me for what I'm not and for what I could be. I hate you all for thinking I'm niave, immature and blinded by teen angst and rebelious habits. Well fuck you, this is who I am, I'm not living up to anyone or anything, nor am I rebelling against anything.
I love Linzie. I love her smile. I love the way she says the word: Kitty. I love the ways her eyes squint when she smiles. I love the feelings she creates inside of me when she cries and grabs on to my neck. I love how she is perfect for me. I love how you all want to destroy perfection because you know you'll never find it. I love how you all think I'm full of shit.
On a more positive note, here is the latest peice of work by Owen! Go OWEN!!! *claps* It kicks some ass. Check it out! http://members.rogers.com/jordangrieve/megamanfinal.swf (requires flash player).
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Timeline
- I lived with Ben on Cartier
- I was with Linzie
- I worked at Pizza Hut
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