Excessive

Today I woke up really early for me: 9:30am. Both my alarm went off, and Vanessa called me to wake me up. The majority of the morning was spent getting ready to go out, and waiting for Vanessa to get here. We left for the doctors appointment on the bus at 11:10am.

The doctors appointment went pretty well, although nothing was really acomplished. I still didn't get any sleep aids, so I'll have to stick to simply sleep or melatonin for help with sleep, although they aren't quite as strong as neccessary, and I usually have to take two or three times the dose just to feel anything. He wouldn't give me sleep aids because he said that I'd probably get addicted to them, which is most likely true... although I'm interested in knowing the downsides of the addiction. I mean, what the long term effects of taking them would be. If I was addicted to taking a pill to go to sleep, I don't quite see where the harm in that is, since it's just for sleep. It's not like an upper, where I need it to get through the day or something... but anyway, I respect his opinion and appreciate the concern. In other news, Britanny's gonna give me a few imovane for the days I can't sleep at all... score. I asked about disability and he just said I had to go through social services to get it... so nothing much could be done about that. Another thing I brought up was my inability to eat a meal per day, and the fact that if I even see someone eating, or smell food, I get really sick to my stomache... becuase I know that's normal, and it's been happening for awhile... and I know that not eating even one meal a day, for over a month, is probably much more harmful than say.... an addiction to a sleep aid (:P). The rest of the appointment was basically just a normal therepy type session, where we talked about things... Vanessa did a good job at both supporting me, and offering her opinion on my behaviour when asked. I think some of his questions seemed odd to her, but make perfect sense to him and myself, and if you think about why he would ask the question, makes perfect sense in relation to the purpose of the visit. I ended up having to get my blood taken for lithium levels and test my kidneys. He also insisted that I come more often, which I agree with... and probably the biggest accomplishment was that he referred me to a psychologist, which I'm unsure of right now, but I know that it's a direction I must go in, if I want to actually get disability, or help, or.. other things. So.. I'll write more about how I feel about that later on... gotta keep you fans wanting more right? After the session was over, Vanessa and I went back downstairs and to the blood lab, and got my four vials of blood taken from my wrong arm (they took it from my non-bleedin arm! what the fuck??). From there we went to my Mom's work...

dir en grey looking prettier than you

It was nice to see my Mom and Sister, as it always was... but I felt different things time... I felt weaker, but appeared strong I guess... I don't really know how to say it right, my feelings that is. We just caught up, hugged and they were off to lunch, and Vanessa and I were off shopping. We went to a few stores... From Mars, Lolita's, some bodybuilders store where we bought a jug of Melatonin... and the market. It was enjoyable; most of the time I was in a good mood, with only a few times where I felt irritable or upset, and it was relaxing to walk around in the rain, although cold. T'was a good afternoon...

Pretty much the entire rest of the afternoon and evening was spent laying on the couch with Vanessa, watching 'An Evening With Kevin Smith' DVD that I have (its about six fuckin hours long). It was a really relaxing and calm time, only getting upset maybe twice. I wish days like today: full of rain, wind, calmness, relaxation, accomplishment and a bit of shopping, were everyday, because really these days are glimpses of what it's like to be happy all the time. Vanessa went home around 8pm, and that was that.

I've been listening to an assload of Dir En Grey lately, and they rock my jrock lovin' ass. Yes, they are all boys, and they're all much more attractive than you! My favorite song is Yokan, and you should really check them out (zomg check them out right now), if you have any interest in anything japanese, because these guys just remind you why japanese are so much better than anything else living! Enjoy..

In other news, two Electrocult shows have been canceled due to a few problems, one being trasportation problems. There has been a new date added to the tour, and it's in London, so local fans will have two chances in November to have their asses blown out by their rock n' fuckin roll greatness. Check out the tour dates here (tour dates zomg!)

There's a bunch I left out of this entry, because I'm having trouble concentrating. I died my hair white again (not sure if I mentioned that yesterday) and I'm gonna try to take pictures of it tomorrow for you people, since it's been about... a year since you've seen a picture of me. buut, I'm tired, so I'm going to stop typing on this keyboard, hit the Add Entry Now button (why did I caption it that? jeeze) and go to bed. Toodles my fine young readers.

edit: yeah.. i got bored and before bed I decided to take pictures. This is my hair without any product at all, freshly washed with Nick's shampoo. I'll grease it up tomorrow and take a couple more pictures.

no product - bad lighting... meh

1020 words

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