Excessive

The smallest things set me off and bring me down, to a point where I don't feel energectic, empathetic and just generally turn completely apathetic about most everything. Things that set me off can be tone of voice, subject matter, random things said to me, pretty much random things I couldn't really predict (of course, there are obvious things that set me off as well). It sucks because sometimes I'm in a great mood and it's just ripped away from me and it's always so difficult to get it back, that it kinda makes me resent the fact it was taken so easily.

Today, as I wrote yesterday, was a pretty active day. Michelle and I went to Lotus PC and handed in my broken external hard drive over to them, and the nice asian man said that he'd take it under warranty even though we didn't have a receipt, and it had been over thirty days. The only thing we'd have to pay is the $10 shipping charge if he had to send it back to the manufacturer. So I guess that's pretty cool, except it looks like I'm gonna lose all my data, which hurts me to no end, but I'm sure most people wouldn't understand that at all. Afterward we went to Arygle mall because Michelle wanted to get Mario Kart for the DS (since it came out today) but it was $49.99 and she didn't have quite enough money for it, so isntead we just bought a bunch of candy and supper, and went home.

After we got home, we played a few games and stuff, but eventually started doing my hair. We bleached my already bleached bangs a total of three times I believe, and it took us around three hours in total (I left it on for long periods of time) and the result is pretty impresive. It turned out nice and white in almost all areas except for a few strands which are a slight yellow, but still more blonde than before. Shortly after I washed the last batch of bleach out of my hair (about two minutes after), Michelle and I went to see The 40 Year Old Virgin at Rainbow. It was a pretty amusing movie, especially since Steve Carell was in it, and he's hilarious in everything.

Michelle's Mom and Jess drove me home, and since then I had a shower, used Nick's special bright shampoo stuff, that's blue tinted, turns bleached hair whiter instead of yellow.. and stuff. Then I ate ravioli and watched Conan... now I'm here. Nick just got home and I'm gonna write a few more paragraphs.

I have the all important doctors appointment tomorrow, and like I usually do, I thought it might be a good idea to write a small list with some of my concerns, or at least things I want to bring up. For some reason, I'm in this mood where I just can't write... except on here.. so I'm gonna write up sorta a rough copy of what I'd like to bring, so that either later tonight, or tomorrow morning I'll write it up on paper to give to the doctor. I've done this many times, and a lot of the time he just takes the list from me and goes over what he wants, rather than me bringing up each point independently, and that's what I think bringing Vanessa might help with, I'll have backup when brining up points that are very important to my life and survival. Things like... my inability to go to work due to my crippling anxiety, panic attacks, trouble breathing and intense fear of leaving the house. My inability to sleep, no matter what I do, if I listen to music, excersize, relax... whatever, nothing works except simply sleep and a few types of sleeping pills. I want to talk about what it takes to get disability, what I'd have to go through, and stuff... because... I've lost my last four jobs due to this very same problem and it just isn't going away, no matter what. I know there is more, but I'm gonna just use these, and when Vanessa gets here, I'll see if she can think of anything that I forgot. Of course I'll keep all my fans updated on how it goes.

Also, it looks like I won't be going with the boys tomorrow, because they're leaving before I'll be home from the doctors. It's actually really disappointing, but oh well, they'll be fine without me.

I'm tired as hell, so I'm gonna lay down. Toodles.

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