Excessive

Gavin Rossdale

What I'm currently listening to: Cold Contagious.

Today was a bit of an up and down kind of day... but the definate majority was on the down side. I'm not really sure why, other than the obvious defect in my brain that leaves me incapable of living a normal life. I had panic attack after panic attack today, getting progressivly worse and worse as the night went on, until I finally accidentally fell asleep and when I woke up they were gone.

The highpoint of the night was probably watching Mythbusters, as that show always makes me giggle, even though I've seen most, if not all of them. Other than watching Mythbusters, I briefly went downtown for dinner, was alone for a bit when Vanessa and Brit left me to go trick or treating, and then spent some time with Nick while they were out. I showed him fancy opening cinematics from some of my favourite games, which also feature some nice j-popish music.

I'm on one writing pill right now, and I took a second a few minutes ago because I'm not tired enough to pass out, and apparently I'm not tired enough to write well either. You may or may not notice my writing change style as it goes down, since more time is passing and I'm getting more and more funny in the head.

Man, I was reading over some entries from March 2004, and I've sure changed. Sure, that was almost two years ago, but still, I'm no where near as pathetic, in the 'im feeling sorry for myself' kinda way, I'm much more apathetic, where I can't be bothered to care about much. I wouldn't say I really miss who I was, but certain aspects I miss. I miss the passion that was inside of me; everything I wrote had meaning, and came from my heart. I was also hopelessly in love with Linzie too, that was made painfully obvious by my writing.

No point in obsessing about the past though... or at least the distant past. On my way downtown today, I stopped by the alley that Nick and I were in the night earlier, where Nick got hit, and I looked for his plug/tunnel that fell and/or punched out of his ear, and I found it! So< i gave it to him as a present and he was happy, then I bought him candy! He's been having a rough time and we talk about it, and I think I helped him feel a bit better.

I wanted to go out tonight, not for the music but to just mingle with people. I wanted to be seen, and to wave, and maybe be complimented, but I was doubting who'd show up, as I was fairly certain that Dave or his missus, or Mark, or anyone really would show up. Steve ended up going, so I could've said hey to him, but the fact was that it was $10 freakin bucks to get into, and I didn't want to drink or anything (maybe out of spite towards TJ?), so I wasn't going to pay that much money ot say hi to Steve; Mark had the exact same feelings, he wanted to go and hang out but not for that much money when he could do it for free anywhere else. Steve told me that it was actually really busy though, so who knows, maybe I should've gone instead of being a pussy.

dress up my apathey... pretend we're great, great, great!

Woo to random lyrics to whatever song I'm listening to!! Tomorrow is work, cleaning a bit maybe when I get home, depends on if Nick is sleeping or whatever, and then maybe writing more after taking my writing pills. Right now I'm stuffing my face full of popcorn and coke, and listening to Bush. I was recently listening to Gavin's new band, Institute, and it got me thinking of Bush and how much of an amazing songwriter/lyricst he is. I also saw Institute live on Jay Leno or something, and man did they rock! They sounded better than they did on the CD. *swoon*

I guess I don't really have much more to talk about today... I tried watching The United States of Leland tonight, but Vanessa fell asleep so I turned it off and started writing this. Vanessa is asleep in bed and Nick is snoring on the couch... aaww, my family rocks.

Toodles for now!

ps. since October is over, might as well post the stats. I got 62,000 hits in October. I'd post the pic, but wow.. photoshop+tired=hell naw. Secondly, I JUST put a link to this site in my myspace profile about two weeks ago, and since then, I've had 699 hits from the profile.. ooh. buncha weirdo's reading this, ya know? AH!

806 words

3 Comments