Excessive

Today was better than yesterday... I cleaned and played games and read a lot, and didn't feel like shit, so that's good right?

I work tomorrow at 6am, so I took a sleeping pill in an attempt to go to sleep early, and I'm sure it will work. I don't really have it in me to write tonight, but I figured I'd input something at least.

It seems lately I've been writing the same crap here every day but I can't help it, I just write what I feel, and if it's generally the same, then I guess that kind of makes sense.

I am tired, very tired. I woke up very early this morning to make breakfast for Bekki and myself... a nice, large breakfast, and I woke up at 7:40am to do so, after going to bed roughly at 3:00pm.

I just finished saying that I wasn't tired, and then I sat down to play SSX and immediately felt very tired. I still hadn't written though, and had a bunch of things I wanted to do, but now I feel as though I need to get those things out of the way so that I can go to sleep as soon as possible.

Trying my best to have a low-key evening, and I seem to be succeeding so far. Because of the wonderful day-light savings time, and the awesome fact that I open tomorrow, means I lose an hour of precious sleep. The transition from Saturday to Sunday is always a difficult one, and this time change is going to potentially make it worse, so I'm taking steps to ensure a smooth transition.

I don't feel like writing but I'm sitting down to write out of routine, or habit, or a sense of obligation.

I slept for a long time last night... I suppose I needed it, because I slept straight through to 11:30am or so, and I had pretty wild, generally uncomfortable dreams through the night, which hasn't happened for awhile, but used to happen way too often. I woke up feeling rested but sore from the long sleep, my back sore and mind feeling fuzzy.

Last night was terrible, and I was at fault. At times - most times I suppose - I am oversensitive and difficult to deal with. Regardless of the what, why's and all that terrible stuff, the night was ruined by me, and I went to sleep almost immediately after writing last night's entry.

Bekkidybutton

Today was a good day, and I should feel light, and happy, and carefree, but I feel heavy, and slow, and weighed down with worry, angst and... weight. A silly way to describe it - sure - but it's what came to mind first. I'm not too far into the negative feelings (another terrible way to describe it), I'm simply feeling numb and heavy, like a weight has been placed on my chest, and it's difficult to breathe. My mind feels a bit more normal than the last day or two... who knows why, I wish I could answer that. I can't even describe what's wrong, so there is no way to figure out how to fix it.

I don't feel good today... I feel angry, slow and tired... irritable and mean, rude and impatient. I feel bad for Bekki for having to put up with me, and I feel responsible for bringing her down as well, I'm like a poison, and I should really know better and perhaps isolate myself when I know that I'm in this kind of mental place. Against my better judgment, I went out shopping today, and while it was okay, and most of it enjoyable, I did feel quite off and not like... super relaxed or anything.

I've been playing SSX a lot.

SSX is a series of games where you do over the top tricks on a snowboard as you go down semi-realistic mountains and try to set times and high scores, while upgrading and improving your character (or set of characters). The first SSX I played was SSX Tricky for the original xbox and I was impressed... I found it addictive and enjoyable, not the greatest game ever but it was fun. I liked it enough to buy SSX 3 a little while afterward, and it was amazing. SSX 3 was one of the greatest games on the xbox and of it's generation, and I played the crap out of it, so much so that I mastered and unlocked everything.. the soundtrack was amazing, and everything about it was awesome. Afterward, a new entry came out in the series, SSX On Tour... they went a tiny bit of a different direction, and focused more on individual events and creating your own character, but they hit the nail on the head again and I became equally obsessed with the game. I played the shit out of it, completely beating all aspects of it.