Excessive

Today is Mark's fake birthday, where he tells everyone it's actually his birthday and hilarity ensues. Well... usually it just consists of us going to the bar and having drinks like some sort of actual celebration, but since it's not a real birthday it lacks the actual motivation to actually do anything. Like, you don't really want to do anything, but you're like, "Well.. it's his birthday so I guess I should regardless how I feel.." yeah.. that's not really there.

Mark semi-arranged somewhat of a gathering at Pandemic (Ohio) of his friends, but I decided not to go for a few reasons. The immediate reasons are the fact that I'm not in the mood.. that's the most obvious one. Second would probably be the whole "going out and spending tons of money and getting drunk, then saying a bunch of things and making yourself look really stupid" just isn't as fun as it used to be. Not that it shouldn't be fun for other people, but for me personally, I always find myself feeling regretful and stupid or ashamed after I've been out drinking, and is it so wrong that my idea of a fun night is watching America's Got Talent? Does me not wanting to go out to a bar make me a loser? no fun? lame? Sure.. why not. I don't fucking care, I should probably just do what makes me happy, since that's.. ya know.. the whole meaning of life and all that. I opted to stay home and wait for Michelle and then we're gonna play a few games and watch some TV, now that's my idea of a fun, relaxing night, and it doesn't cost a god damn thing, and I don't have to get dirty looks from people who think they're better than everyone else. Fuck that shit... besides, we're going to the bar on Sunday for a Guitar Hero contest, and I'll probably have a few drinks after I try my best at the competition.

I had to give back my Mom's camera today because my Sister was going to Niagra Falls, so that kinda sucks, but it's not really mine so I can't complain. I do have to say that I enjoyed having a camera around to take pictures whenever I felt like it, and I got quite a few good pictures to keep, so that makes me happy.

I get in pretty bad moods everyday now... usually in the morning. Maybe I don't get enough sleep, maybe I'm just naturally irritable in the morning, I dunno, but I always find myself angry in the morning, and I really prefer to sleep in late so that I don't have to feel that way. Usually by supper time I'm back to feeling normal but it's pretty weird... Today was decent... I spent a lot of the time listening to music and talking on the forum to Michelle, and reading the G&T board, playing Pokemon at the same time (a little) and watching an episode of That 70's Show. My idea of comfort is Mythbusters and Dirty Jobs.. it's too bad I've seen them all, cause lately all I want to do is curl up in a ball and watch shows like that and not think, worry, feel bad or anything like that.

I'm hoping that I can have a really relaxing night, as I haven't been able to have an enjoyable day. I hope that it all goes well, all goes smoothly, and I can smile and feel safe and then later on at 2am or 3am, Mark doesn't cause a huge ruckus when he comes in, and I can just sleep and feel comfortable. Dealing with drunk people when you are sober is not something to look forward to at all.

Between now and when Michelle gets home I'll probably lay in bed and maybe play Pokemon, or watch That 70's Show, and then once she's home we'll play some Guitar Hero and then watch our shows. It should be enjoyable... should..

672 words

1 Comments