Excessive

I felt quite ignored tonight. I didn't really get a hi when Michelle got home, she didn't talk to me, she didn't ask me any personal questions, like what I did today, or how I was feeling, or what I had for supper, or if I wanted to do anything. She didn't really say or do anything except complain about work. I didn't feel any love or attraction coming from her direction, I didn't even feel like she could see me. I'm not even sure what it feels like to be a boyfriend. There was absolutely no difference between the way she addressed me and the way she addressed Mark. I could've easily just been some dude.

Yeah, I should probably have said this to her face instead of writing it down, I mean, that's dealing with issues instead of hiding them away, but it was much too late by the time I had figured out exactly why I felt like total crap. Besides, I'm sure by the time she is reading this, I'm back to feeling numb and empty again, and am no longer bothered, besides, the problem I have right at the moment isn't exactly a big deal, just a small frustration.

I'm not trying to complain, and I'm not trying to force attention on myself, and I'm not trying to be passive aggressive, just because I know Michelle is going to be reading this tomorrow afternoon, that doesn't mean that the purpose of me writing it was to upset her or even inform her. To be honest, I needed to complain to someone, I just needed to bitch to someone, and I've got no one else except this god damn stupid screen and keyboard, so that's my answer.

I guess I'm just sulking. I felt really down, really lonely and really shitty, and I didn't get any comfort, any love, any closeness, any romance or any attention, and that just made me feel worse. I didn't even get a hug goodnight, or anything more than a "I'm going to bed" as she walked out of the room.

Maybe I don't inspire romance, or don't feed an attraction.

ps. I washed my hair all good today. mmhmm.

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