Excessive

I talk to myself in my head, too much. I constantly have a dialogue going through my head, a current of words and thoughts... it's no wonder I find writing so easy, or so... relieving, because it lets some of those thoughts out. I walk around my apartment writing in my head as if I were sitting at the computer. That's weird right? Maybe it's weird, but I guess it's just how my brain works sometimes, and it helps me or is responsible for my ability to write, because I'm constantly forming sentences in my head, and it just spills out into the keyboard as I sit and stare at the screen. It does drive me crazy sometimes though, and I think writing is the best way to get it out and make myself feel a bit better.

I had a good day but once I got home from work and had a nap, once I woke up, I had a cloud floating over me; I felt negative, dark, as if being pulled down, or weighed down by something. It wasn't as bad as it could've been but I felt distracted and easily irritated. I'm still fighting it right now, but I've taken a sleeping pill in an attempt to put my mind to sleep, a cure I'm sure will work, at least for the rest of the night.

An early morning this morning, and I was pretty damn tired. I woke up at 5:15am, and didn't really have any bread for breakfast. I mean... I had some bread, but I literally picked the two best pieces out of a moldy rye bread loaf, cut the mold off and used them, so I made a nice big omelet in order to fill my little tummy, as there was a significant lack of bread. I drank coffee and ate my breakfast while listening to music and reading stuff online, eventually leaving to catch the bus at 6:15am or so. The trip to work that early sucks, because it's freezing cold out, dark as shit, and busy outside with weirdo's and crazy people. I love the 7am to 3pm shifts, it's just the commute to work is balls in the mouth, but I suppose that's the price I have to pay for being home in time to have dinners and go to the store and having an entire evening to do whatever I want or need to do.

Work was actually an enjoyable experience for the most part. We had two lunch buffets, a forty and a twenty, and Julie had worked the night before and got some of the food started, and set up the ideas for what we could do, and I was alone for the first little bit, got a breakfast out and set up the cold stuff for the buffets. Jon eventually came in and we discussed what we'd do, and what Julie had done, and our buffet was: Tomato Eggplant soup, stuffed zuchinni (stuffed with a rice and cheese mixture, topped with seasoned bread crumbs), pulled beef sandwiches with a homemade team effort BBQ sauce, a vegetarian pasta with a cheese cream sauce, a wonderful chicken stir fry ala Jean Ryckman, perogies tossed in sautéed peppers and onions. I was really happy with the food we put out, many thanks to Julie, and we also put in the effort and had the motivation to just make it extra special. Everyone loved the food and had nice things to say, and I even stopped after we put it out and made a point of saying to everyone that I was really proud of what we did.

After lunch was out, we did what prep needed to be done, and cleaned up, and we all left early. Jon drove me home at 2:30pm, and once I got home I... did something. It's scary but true, I don't remember. I don't remember getting home or taking my coat off or anything like that. I did something for thirty minutes before knowing I had to nap... I kind of remember falling asleep in my computer chair, that was when I was like, "Yeah I need to go sleep". I slept from 3pm until 6pm, and woke up determined to make a nice dinner.

I made beef tenderloin, button mushrooms, mashed taters... a good beef dinner. I made it pretty quickly, record time even, and sat down and watched Voyager while I ate. Afterward, I played Burnout Revenge for a bit, until I felt so distracted and preoccupied with thoughts, I turned off the 360 and went into my computer room, and started a new project. It was difficult figuring out where to start, but I eventually decided, and spent an hour or two building the framework for a budgeting system, where I can track my expenses, income and then transactions so I can track where I'm spending my money. I didn't get that much done but considering how distracted and weird I was feeling, I'm pretty happy with what I got done.

After I gave up trying to be productive, I ran a bath and listened to the morning stream while I sat in the tub with Kairi. I enjoyed my bath a bit more than normal to be honest, I usually just bathe for the sake of routine. I do it because I expect to, because I plan to, not because I want to, or even because I need to clean myself, but because it's set in stone that it's what I do at specific times and in specific orders and all that. This time though, it was just the right temperature, and I was in the right mood... I stayed in a bit longer, and felt a bit more relaxed than normal.

After my bath, I moved the laptop into the living room and started to write while watching The Daily Show and Colbert Report, and now I'm watching Jimmy for the first time in weeks (because my PVR always erases my record set up stuff, and it never records and I never reset it up).

I have many guilty pleasures, a lot of which are food related. A lot of people know me as a cook, and know that I make pretty complex and well made dinners for myself, but in the middle of the night, I love Mr Noodles and Chef Boyardee, and I'll probably always love it!

Tomorrow is a day off and I need to do laundry, and I may go to the grocery store, but might put it off if I can, just to save money. I really just want to play games and never get off the couch, so we'll see what I can do about making that happen.

I had more to write... I feel as though I haven't even started, I haven't even begun to write out all the stuff going through my head, but my head is all fuzzy now from a little blue pill, and I really just need to stop writing, or I'm going to explode. So... goodnight, and I will write tomorrow talking about how many games I played and enjoyed!

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