Excessive

What do you do when you can't stop doing something that you know is making you feel crazy?

All day, I program. More or less all day. I take breaks to do chores, so I feel a little more sane, but I feel the draw to just go back to programming, and my mind is racing and my leg is tapping so fast, and I just can't stop. I don't want to stop, but I know it's causing me to feel this way. To feel crazy, to feel like my mind is so fast that I can't even process what I'm thinking.

It's a terrible feeling.

I woke up with a headache again this morning, but not as bad as the day before. I don't know if it was a leftover headache or a new one. I didn't use my nasal spray, and was convinced I would wake up feeling fine, so that didn't work out. It's hasn't been so bad today really, just kind of hiding in the background of my head, threatening to make my day suck, but never quite doing anything about it.

As I mentioned, I spent most of the day just watching TV and programming. Just commenting and unit testing work stuff, working for free but like I said, it's all I can really think about, so whatever. I watched a lot of Star Trek, both DS9 and the movie First Contact (which was fun). I made chilli, cleaned the kitchen... not much else really.

Overall it was a fairly uneventful day.

Oh, I did play Disgaea D2 for a while... one item world. It wasn't fun. I was bored. It didn't feel like there was a point to anything I was doing, and that's not a good feeling. I used to have so much fun with it, so I dunno, maybe it was just my mood. I want to love games again, I feel so out of it. I will try a different game, maybe one starting right from the start, so I can get right into it.

Tonight Bekki and I are going to attempt to relax by watching a horror movie in the dark because duh, that's how you relax. Not sure which movie yet, but I'll probably mention it tomorrow. There's something about horror movies that makes me keep coming back for more, even though almost always they disappoint. Nothing is worse than a horror movie that tricks you into thinking it's going to be good, and then fifteen minutes in just loses you over completely stupid stuff. I'm on a lifetime search for great horror movies, and they're so hard to find! So hard to actually feel creeped out, to actually feel scared. I can't even name a movie that has done that to me in the last while. Maybe tonight will be the night.

I'm all set up for the week as far as snacks go and that always makes me feel a bit better, no matter what. Being prepared is a nice feeling, and having to wake up and run around trying to find snacks can be stressful, so opening the fridge and just putting things in my lunch bag is nice.

I did just get the urge to make pumpkin bread, as I just realized I don't have a lot left. I have the pumpkin, I could just bust it out and make a pumpkin loaf! Tomorrow... I also have bananas to make banana bread. Gotta find the energy to go on a baking spree soon, and just get it all out of the way.

I hope I can sleep today. I hope tomorrow isn't anxiety filled. I hope next week is nice.

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