Excessive

I have ideas for programs all the time... maybe not programs, but websites, or services, or just something that will make my life easier or more interesting. Today I had the idea of a dinner planning service, that you customize to feature dinners you like to make, and it would plan your meals for the week.

The basic idea is you fill a database with a bunch of recipes you love, each recipe containing primary ingredients, secondary, and tertiary ingredients, and instructions for preparation (amounts, etc). Then, each week (or whenever desired) you would go to the set up page, and a page would show up with all primary ingredients and two check boxes beside each ingredient, one to indicate that the product is on sale that week, and the other to indicate that you have a good amount in stock in your cupboard, and you would just check the boxes that apply... from there, you would submit the information, and the program would use that information to plan meals, taking in to account what you already have, and what is cheap to acquire, and you could re-roll meals, customize orders, etc.

I've been fucked up lately. Not lately, but for months. Shit is just gone. I don't have routine, I don't live up to my own expectations, I'm constantly disappointed with my own actions and behaviors. I want to scoop the litter, sweep and tidy every day, the same time every day, and feel good about it. I want to plan meals on a Friday, and buy just the groceries we need for those meals plus lunches and save on money; right now we just make shit up the night of, and generally leads to a feeling of chaos and zero planning, and I hate it, and I hate how it makes me feel.

I feel lost, like I'm dreaming all the time, and I'm not 100% sure what I'm supposed to be doing. Do I have school work due? Do I have enough time to finish it? Should I be worried, or should I be relaxed? I don't know, I honestly have no idea.

I don't write anymore, and I barely listen to music at home... I only go to school twice a week, if I can even manage that (last week I didn't go a single time). I just feel like a complete mess, a complete disaster just waiting for the meltdown.

All I want is to feel at rest, and I don't remember the last time I felt like that.

I just want to feel like things are okay.

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