Excessive

I feel like I'm re-living the same day, over and over again. I feel like every week is the same, I say the same things to myself, I complain about the same things, it just repeats and I never learn.

Every weekend I always find myself telling myself, over and over, that this next week will be different. Next week I will snap out of this numbness, next week will be a new beginning, a brand new start. To be fresh, to be rededicated, to be refreshed. I tell myself that this next week, I will go to the grocery store and stock up on comforting foods, and make nice dinners... I will go to class every day and get ahead on school work. I will be happy, and this week will lead to true relaxation and contentment.

This week... when I said it to myself, said that next week will be a new start, I knew I was lying to myself. I knew it wasn't true... and that's kind of scary.

It's kind of... numbing.

So I worked 12.25 hours today, as expected, and as expected, it was tiring and annoying by the end of it. I ended up getting a huge toothache and a giant headache, perhaps connected, and when I got home, I took four motrin and two tylenol, and laid on the couch in complete agony for a half an hour. Michelle put in a lasagna for me, so I ate that, and started to feel a bit better, but could still barely think through the pain, but I distracted myself afterward by reading more of Open. I continued to read until 11:30, when SNL started, and that's what I'm doing now... eating a snack, and watching SNL.

I felt my mind moving too quickly to feel at rest, so I decided to write.

PS I fucked hate being awake, but never want to sleep.

317 words

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