Excessive

Today kinda sucked and it was nothing specific that made it a terrible day, everything was just crappy enough to make the overall day a worthless experience.

I fell asleep on the couch listening to podcasts, I just had my iPhone on my chest with the podcast on and I was laying and listening and it was comfortable, but I suppose a bit too comfortable because I fell asleep. I eventually woke up, moved to the bed and slept some more. I did sleep in a bit, I woke up not too late, I think it was like 11am or something, or not quite 11am, I dunno, does it really matter? No.

I could not escape the feeling of being dead tired today. No matter what I did, I felt so tired. My eyes were so heavy and hard to keep open. It made it soooo hard to do anything. I think for the first two hours of the day I just laid on the couch. My mind was all messed up today, I couldn't think straight, I kept getting things confused. I had chicken noodle soup for breakfast. I don't even know why, I could've just had toast and coffee but nope, had soup. I knew that I had wanted to go to the grocery store - like, the desire was there, I could feel it, it was pushing me to leave the house, to go to the god damn grocery store - and yet when I thought of why, when I tried to invision a list of some kind, I couldn't think of anything. I thought of No Frills and I just felt comfort. I guess I just wanted a supply of comfort food and not actual food.

I did end up going to the store... I walked there in the super windy but warm weather. When I got to the store, I couldn't remember why I was there. I felt watched, I felt really aware of everything around me and I felt out of place. I picked up random things that felt normal, I picked up things that I've been picking up for the last month or two, out of like a mindless instinct. I got green onions and tomatos, and baguette so I could eat bruschetta at some point. I bought the stuff I needed to have a chicken caesar... I bought some chips and coke... that was about it. Nothing much really... but there was a small comfort knowing that I could make something when I got home, and it seemed to make me feel good, at least a little.

After the grocery store I made lunch, specifically a large chicken caesar salad with four slices of bacon, half a chicken breast and lots of parmesan cheese. It was filling, and I actually ate it over about a full hour while I watched the movie Kick-Ass, which was pretty... uh... kick ass. Usually I put on movies and let them play in the background while I work on programming or whatever, but this movie kept stealing my attention for minutes at a time, and I don't think I got any work done while it was on. I enjoyed it and I wasn't really expecting too. Eventually I got to working and started, and finished my final C++ project, which is due on Friday. I just need to add comments to the code for it to be completely done. The application accepts a directory with switches to enable recursive scanning, reverse sorting and sorting by filesize, and it then scans that directory (and subdirectories) and reports information on the files found, including extensions, how many extensions were found and how much size on disk they take up. It really only took me about two hours to do, and was much easier than the previous project, so all in all, kind of disappointing as a final project.

Yeah I honestly don't remember much after that, I think I watched some episodes of Penny Arcade TV season 2, and then had a bath.

After my bath, I watched Vanilla Sky, a movie that I've watched a million times, and yet am always impressed with. I find it terribly romantic, touching, and speaks to my soul. There are so many amazing themes and ideas in that movie, questions that are asked. It's wonderful. I find it both moving and immensely depressing.

What is happiness to you Jordan?

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