Excessive

I feel like shit, and not in the normal way, not really. I feel physically... grimey, greasy, uncomfortable. I feel tired and uninspired. I did my homework and all, but beyond that I haven't done anything and the nights almost over. I didn't clean up, I didn't really play any games, I didn't read... nothing. Just an empty night and it's left me feeling useless.

On top of all that, I tried to sit down and work on my book website, but found myself completely lacking any ideas, inspiration or excitement, and stopped without doing much. I want the site and it's functionality, but have no ideas how to make it look or work well, no excitement or inspiration and I just can't do anything without it. Maybe something will just strike me randomly at some point in the future, but I really think I should put off working on it until then because it just depresses me.

School was alright today; Bekki was kind enough to give me $5 to bring along so I could get some Tim Horton's during class and/or during break, which would be much needed as I was at school from 8am to 2pm, with an hour break. I ended up grabbing a coffee and a couple donuts around 10am, and didn't eat again until I got home. I had Java for two hours and DirectX for three, both were fine, but DirectX was actually pretty fun, pretty interesting, doing things we haven't done before in a fun, interesting and challenging way. I look forward to that class, and look forward to the things that we'll be doing.

When I got home from school, I was starving, so I made lunch. I heated up some of my vegetable soup and had some garlic baguette with it. It wasn't the biggest lunch but it was getting late and I didn't want to ruin my dinner (little did I know, I would do that myself). I did all my homework (some DirectX C++ and a small Java class) and read a chapter of Storm of Swords before Bekki had to leave for work, leaving me to my own devices. I had no energy, and no desire to do anything, and I don't even really remember much of my night.

At some point I made chicken stir-fry for dinner, and it was terrible. I didn't enjoy it in the least, I sat there eating it just surprised with myself about how little I was enjoying it. I don't usually mess up meals, but man, I just... it just wasn't good. It made me feel even more uncomfortable and uneasy than I already did, and I suppose it was the perfect way to secure a shitty night.

I didn't do dishes, or clean up, or play games, or do any of my normal routine. I didn't do anything, or feel like doing anything. It was terrible, and I feel terrible.

On an unrelated note, I took a sleeping pill last night because the night before, the first day of school, I laid in bed unable to fall asleep and it was really crappy, and I just wanted to avoid that, so I did, I took a sleeping pill and fell asleep instantly, but I could feel the effect of the pill all morning, until I drank my coffee at home and then an extra large coffee from Tim's later on, and it wasn't until after that second giant coffee that I actually felt normal awake, and that's terrible when you are trying to learn. Feeling your eyelids want to close, and I feel like it was entirely the pills fault, so... I think I'll go back to avoiding taking them.

I think that's it for tonight. I may try to read, and then go to sleep... I'm not sure what else to do. Bekky is at work, and has worked every night and will work every night, and that's not a bad thing, she needs the money and thats life, but I do miss her. It sucks that we rarely see each other, and rarely get to do anything of fun, like play Final Fantasy or watch a movie or a show. Ah well, this won't be like this forever, and it's not terrible, just this week specifically is pretty shitty as far as that goes.

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