July 03, 2002 6:57AM
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Well today was pretty fucking weird. Half of it I thought I had gone insane and the other half I was energetic and sane (half of the second half I was pissed off though). I guess we can start with my temporary insanity.. or whatever the hell you wish to label it I sure as hell have no clue what to call it.
Alright well it's somewhat hard to describe the feeling (if I could even call it that... more of a 'sense' than a 'feeling'.. feelings are usually more physical) but I'll give it a shot. It was like I was trapped in a box in my head watching what I was doing. I could still talk.. I just couldn't get out of that box. I felt trapped compressed unable to get out... to break free... but not physically.. my mind. I thought leaving the house would help clear my mind... breath in some air and just clean some shit out of my brain but it really didn't help... it still felt like I was watching myself walk through the mall... like I was a spectator just watching a replay or something... a most horrible feeling if I do say so. I kept struggling to return to my mind.. out of that box feeling... which happened shortly after I returned home from the mall.. but fuck.. what and unpleasant experience. I remember telling Linzie that I felt far away from her... it was because it felt like I wasn't even IN my body.. like I was just watching.. it didn't feel like I was hugging her when I hugged her or kissed her when I kissed... I just hope that doesn't happen again.
Linzie came over at 4:30pm instead of 7:00pm which surprised me because I wasn't expecting her until the later. I didn't really mind I was just going to play some games of WarCraft III with Ben while waiting for 7:00pm to roll around so no harm done!
We hung around... went to the mall for crispers... got back. hehe I don't really remember the details that well.. I think I may have played a bit of WarCraft III I'm honestly not sure. After awhile of being home I needed to go and get my WarCraft III Retail CD back from Adam so I walked over there (even though he wasn't home) and got his mom to grab the CD for me (too bad she took so long to answer the door cause she fell asleep... why am I adding this tidbit of information? NO REASON! HOW DO YOU LIKE THAT FUCKER!?). Then we walked over to Maggie's house and chillaxed there for awhile (props to D-Man for the use of Chillax!). She gave me a present! A signed ticket by Jersey! A very very cool band and an awesome LIVE BAND thank you very much. They are much better live than recorded in my opinion.. so blah to you people.. that's right I blahed what the hell are you gonna do about it blahless people!? Oh thought so. We then sat around for awhile... outside then inside (air conditioning anyone? Why thank you). Eventually we walked to 7-11 and got a drink from two really rude worker people who were rude and stuff (they were rude kids... tsk tsk). They wouldn't let me have an RVD cup.. but the way she said it was very rude. Did I SAY THE FUCKING WORD RUDE YET? god.. now I'm in a bad mood cause there is a good possibility I won't be getting WarCraft III today. FUCK! FUCK THAT!! Fuck Chad actually... that fucker should have paid me a fucking month ago and then there wouldn't have been a fucking question about it I would have the cash I would go on the fucking bus and buy the fucking game but nooo he has to be a fucking cock smoker and not give me my money and now I have to rely on my Mom who has NO money to buy me the game and trust me and Chad enough to give her the money later. Which I don't think she's going to do (see previous statement about having NO money). Blah. Anywho after 7-11 we went back to my house and chillaxed in my basement. This is where I got pissed off.
We were listening to NOFX and the song "Don't Call Me White" came on and Maggie (who is racist and made it painfully obvious on more than one occasion) said something about the lyrics in which I replied I guess he's not proud to be white. in which she said something about immigrants or some shit.. which pissed me off because racism and other forms of blind hate are fucking stupid and anyone who breeds such beliefs should be shot on sight and their families bur... oops I sorta got carried away there. It's funny that white racists are so fucking proud of being white when there is nothing to be proud of.. oooh you created profited and endorsed slavery for hundreds of years!! Congratulations!! Oh yeah way to go on that whole genocide thing that was awesome!.. people can be so fucking stupid.. Most of the time it's because they have one or two bad experiences with a different race and then they become racist against that whole entire race. Well let me ask you this all you white supremacist shit eaters if some white person gave you trouble would you hate the entire white race for the actions of an individual? No? didn't think so you dumbfuck. Blah. Enough of this. It's just blind hate with nothing great enough to justify it.
I spent the whole night on the phone with Ben playing WarCraft III working on RPS Action (Rock Paper Scissors for all you kids out there) and playing Super Tennis! Wo0t! He's leaving... well.. a few minutes ago.. which means lonely nights for me! Shit. 9 Days to go.
At one point while I was programming RPS Action (daaamn right) I played the Question Game with Holly and it was fun. We got through about.. 4 questions or something and she went offline and never came back which bummed me out because I was having fun. Oh well..
Now it's the morning I'm hot and sticky and I still haven't got tired yet... what to do what to do. Perhaps I'll.. no. I think I'll sit here bored thank you. Goodbye.
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Timeline
- I lived with my Mom
- I was with Linzie
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