Excessive

It's hard to pinpoint exactly why I haven't been writing as much lately, and I believe there is a trend where as my happiness and general comfort goes up, my writing goes down, and this is because I used to use writing as a coping mechanism (I think) and I would do it to stave off loneliness, to give me something to do, to have a routine I stick to, to write to an imaginary audience which made me feel less alone.

This may sound cliché or well... however you wish to interpret it, but now that I'm in such a happy, stable relationship with someone I love spending time with, the last thing to enter my mind is to isolate myself and write for an hour, and the thought usually doesn't occur to me on most nights, because most nights Bekki and I relax together, watch a couple shows, and just do whatever, together, and it's nice. Nights that I write it's usually because Bekki is at work, or I may have the day off (like right now), so I revert to old habits, and it's easy when I'm alone to sit and write for a bit because I really don't know what else to do.

As far as using my writing as a history book, that is the one motivating factor to continue to write, because reading back to see a day in my life at any given point is fascinating to me. I will continue to try and find time to write, and will attempt to write more often than I have been, only because I feel it's important to keep the tradition alive, and to keep a history of my life, because I know I will regret it if I let it slip.

On an unrelated note, I decided to cut back on coffee drinking so I didn't have a coffee this morning, and I'm already getting a pretty intense headache, which just has to be a result of that. I feel as though the caffeine may be causing some of my anxiety, energy and inability to sleep properly. I've tried this before, and gave up after about two days, but I may as well try again. It's only pain and addiction, I'm tougher than that right?

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