Excessive

I knew I was going to get a migraine, I wrote it on Twitter to prove that I could predict it. I started feeling dizzy and my eyes hurt, and now here I am, in near unbearable pain. I've taken three extra strength tylenol and one advil, and now a sleeping pill, but I'm still in pain just sitting here. I want to get tired so I can just go to sleep.

When I woke up I watched Nightmare on Elm Street (the 2010 remake). I chose that over The Other Guys cause while I really wanted to watch The Other Guys, I knew that it would be something I wanted to pay attention to, or the type of movie that I would watch with Michelle. Anyway, it worked out that Michelle had other plans so I ended up watching The Other Guys by myself about an hour ago.

I moved over the redesigned script and replaced the old index, so now http://www.exrambling.net leads to a proper, new, redesigned website. Update your bookmarks and what not. If you notice anything wrong, let me know.

I can go over some of the changes or improvements at a later time, when I don't feel like death.

I work tomorrow at 4, I think, but I don't remember what is happening or anything.

I feel like shit and I'm in pain and uncomfortable so..

Later that night...

Yeah so I started to feel a bit better when the sleeping pill kicked in and I'm unrealistically fearing bed, so I've been sitting here reading random entry after random entry, which is usually a bad thing, or at least, it's never a good thing. It's interesting to see how my writing style has changed quite a bit, however the main formula I use for writing an entry has stayed the same.

Also, it's weird to notice how open, and interesting I was. I would include images, I would talk about how things made me feel, I had stories, I had friends. Sometimes I feel like I'm going backwards.

Five years ago, I wrote this. Five years go by and I'm not closer to figuring anything out. Five years and I'm maybe even more lost. I used to at least complain with passion... I've almost given up on that.

I can't fucking do this, I can't fucking hold this all in. I sit, I stand, I lay; it doesn't matter where the fuck I am, all I feel is this built up frustration and I don't even know where the fuck it comes from or how the hell to get rid of it. Where is everyone? Why the hell am I all alone here? Someone said, "you have a lot of friends though right?" and I just kinda sat back and thought... maybe I don't... I don't really know anymore. My life has no form and my existence is barely recognized. I live day to day, and I'm not even doing that well. I find joy in the most meaningless things, that I often look past anyway. I feel on a different wavelength then most people, especially those closest to me; sometimes I just feel unconnected totally, but other times I feel like I couldn't get closer. Shit like this has to stop or I'm never going to survive. I don't cut myself anymore, not like before, not because I can't feel anything. I've just sort of accepted that fact... but maybe that's what's missing from my life... constant feeling, a reminder that I'm alive. I don't want to go back there, and so I'm not, but everything is so different now, maybe things aren't better.

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