Excessive

So shitty and sad and useless and retarded and stupid.

I've put off writing for a little while because of two things, one being time - I've felt busy, or at least I haven't really been sitting around where writing was an option, and two - I've been in such a dark place, and felt so anxious that I had this deep, dark desire to not be awake, and that gets in the way of writing.

Yay, I got the new Bright Eyes album! Hooray!

Today was a somewhat uneventful day, seeing as I didn't even really feel awake for any of it, moreso just floated along in somewhat of a daze, assuming I was awake and okay, but not really sure of it. I generally feel okay, and today I felt okay, but a tad bit on the numb side... I've been feeling pretty sick these last few days; trouble breathing, trouble focusing, stomache ache, headaches... today I just felt a bit out of it, or not all there... I'm not sure what's causing this, but I hope it goes away.

I show NO feeling in my writing anymore. What the fuck happened to me? At what point did I ACTUALLY die inside?