Excessive

Work was stressful. I feel... useless. I feel like an outsider, I feel like I've started a new job, I feel like I'm not pulling my weight, like I'm getting in the way. I was getting really upset, really frustrated, it seemed everything I was doing, everything was wrong. I used to be good at my job - maybe not - but I felt like I was good at my job, and that was important because since I didn't second guess myself, I got work done quicker. I felt so shitty today, so angry at how out of place I felt, my mind was kind of shutting down and then Jon wouldn't let it go and kept asking me what was wrong and trying to give me motivational advice, but I just wanted to be left alone to work through it. Eventually Julie came in and we had got our stuff done, so she just yelled things at me she needed done and that put me in a better mood because I can do those things fine and she generally appreciates the stuff I do and sometimes even compliments it, and after that my mood got a bit better and the second half of the day I was okay.

I don't particularly care for where my writing has gone lately, maybe in a long time, but then I keep reminding myself it's just for my own purposes, just a history book, not to be good writing. I'm not sure exactly how useful this history will be however, because I rarely talk about how I'm feeling, and that seems like one of the only reasons to keep track, but... anyway, I guess I'll just keep it going, I'm sure my writing will transform as my age grows.

I had two exams today, SQL and Business, and I wasn't stressed out about either of them.

After exams, my friends and I - Calen, Mathew and Rachel - went to Swiss Chalet for lunchner, and that was nice.

I should be writing, I should have words flowing from my fingertips; I sit here feeling empty and numb, although I occasionally turned and pet sleeping Marle and she makes a little noise and I smile inside.