Excessive

Have you ever watched the film Event Horizon? If you are me, the answer is no. I've always hard of the movie, but wasn't quite sure what it was. I knew it was a science fiction movie, but didn't know if it was bad or good, or pointless to watch. Due to my recent Film Sack addiction, I listened to the episode on Event Horizon, and it reminded me that it existed, but I hadn't seen it, so here I am, sitting down to watch it.

I am nothing. I am nothing, to anybody. Yes, I know... good friend, I can make others happy, blah blah blah. I know that.

I suppose before I get too into this, I should start at the beginning.

I stayed home from school today because I've been feeling so down lately that the idea of venturing forth to school was too much for me, and I knew that I had to do laundry, so I wanted some time to relax and do that as well... I guess I took a mental health day, and I'm not 100% sure that helped.

Last night was a bad night... I had more waking nightmares (as I can't think of any other way to describe them) where as I'm attempting to fall asleep, I go through the most terrifying things in my head, blow things out of proportion and basically loop over things that upset me over and over again. I felt nervous and terrified, and obviously I couldn't sleep. It wasn't until around 4am, and had put on Seinfeld to keep me company could I finally fall asleep; it was a horrible night.

So guess what I found out?

 

I try and I try, but it seems I cannot write anymore. I've got no ability left inside me that lets me write anything worth reading. I'm uninteresting and uninspired. This place is dead and it's my fault. I'm so sick of my mind and the way it feels; I wish I could reach in and tear it out... I'm so sick of being so god damn fucking numb. If I ever do feel anything, it's usually pain or discomfort of some kind. I try and try to be happy, and nothing ever works; it always leads to more pain.