Excessive

I finished reading one of the many Kurt Cobain biographies last night and it was quite depressing and a little upsetting, but I enjoyed reading the book. I feel haunted by his life, his creativity, his artistic expression and his motivations are all not what the public thought and his life was such a waste, such wasted potential.

I have a headache. I'm tired. I feel weird, and I feel darkness moving in to my mind. I feel restless and antsy, but tired and exhausted. I want to be productive and creative, I want to play games and watch movies, I want to be social and embrace people, but I want to sleep, and brood and complain and over analyze and write out everything I'm thinking.

It's weird sitting around in a room full of sick, upset, aggonizing people. It leaves me feeling pretty odd and I don't really like looking around much, as people seem too real, like they are incapable of putting up the shield that we all leave the house with.

I wish I could stay up until I was super tired playing WoW and relax and have fun, but nope, even though I've only been home for two and a half hours, I have to force myself to go to sleep because I have to work tomorrow, 12pm to 8pm, and then 7:30am on Monday, so when I get home tomorrow I have to go to sleep right away again, sons a bitches.

What a ripoff night, besides playing WoW with Ben, it was too short.

I feel nervous... like anxious. Like the world is going to end. I get like this sometimes, and I know that there is no reason for it, and yet even knowing that, I can't stop myself from feeling horribly nervous. I shake, I can't stop shaking and I can't think or concentrate and I don't want to sleep because it seems scary and I don't want time to move and... well, to be honest I've been writing these same feelings for years now. I guess I just wanted to complain a bit...

It's actually a comfortable temperature in my apartment! Can you imagine such a thing? My hands aren't painfully cold, my feet aren't numb, I am not wearing a sweater!! I turned the space heater on in my living room and left it on all night and this morning the entire apartment was a nice comfortable temperature (noticeably warmer) and I'm quite happy with that.

Canadians elect Conservative Party leader Stephen Harper as their next prime minister, but deny him the outright majority he would need to take any strong change in direction.