Excessive

We went for our second ultrasound, which should've really been the first ultrasound, and it was pretty cool. Although it wasn't quite as exciting as the very first time I ever laid eyes on my baby, but it was still cool. The baby was kicking like crazy, like winding up and then flailing out like a herpasaurus. It was funny, and such gymnastics actually made me slightly worried that it wasnt normal but the ultrasound lady was like, lawl, so I didn't think too much about it.

I don't feel good today... I feel angry, slow and tired... irritable and mean, rude and impatient. I feel bad for Bekki for having to put up with me, and I feel responsible for bringing her down as well, I'm like a poison, and I should really know better and perhaps isolate myself when I know that I'm in this kind of mental place. Against my better judgment, I went out shopping today, and while it was okay, and most of it enjoyable, I did feel quite off and not like... super relaxed or anything.

Bekkidybutton

Today was a good day, and I should feel light, and happy, and carefree, but I feel heavy, and slow, and weighed down with worry, angst and... weight. A silly way to describe it - sure - but it's what came to mind first. I'm not too far into the negative feelings (another terrible way to describe it), I'm simply feeling numb and heavy, like a weight has been placed on my chest, and it's difficult to breathe. My mind feels a bit more normal than the last day or two... who knows why, I wish I could answer that. I can't even describe what's wrong, so there is no way to figure out how to fix it.

I've had better days...

I took a nice refreshing walk to the variety store and it woke me right up. I was kind of hesitant to walk there because I figured it was cold and death-like outside, but the cold was refreshing and the walk was bright and made me feel awake so I enjoyed it.

Someone really needs to make a good, quality, reliable ROM site, because I'm sick of spending entire nights just trying to find a couple gameboy roms I'm missing, when if someone just ran a respectable site, I could find in five minutes.

on a side note... emucation.com is down

Today was one of the worst days in a very long time. I think I actually disappeared for a bit, because hours went by without my knowledge. I'd check the clock and it would be an hour later than it should've been. Argh.. I'm meeelting.

Last night, Linzie came online at around 2:40 in the morning, and I remember clicking on that little box that pop-ups, saying shithead is online or whatever. I remember looking at the empty message box long enough for the display picture to download, and then I just closed it. Seconds later she sent me a message. Strange.. but these things happen to me all the time. She just wanted some tips on cooking tomatos for spagetthi, which I gave her. It's just saddening to be reminded that we'll never talk to each other the same again. I hate it. She's doing exactly what I always knew she'd do; she got herself together and is going to kings, exactly like she always said. Makes me proud in some way.

Today seems like a blink. I don't remember any of it... it seems to have lasted for maybe two minutes, and I'm not exagerating... that's what it feels like. I've decided the internet blows; it's so fucking boring. Everyone's blogs and/or journals are so depressing that I refuse to even go to read them, message boards are slow and mostly filled with idiots (except Godly Gods) and there's just nothing left for me online. On a side note, Sunday TV sucks.