Excessive

I accidentally stopped taking sleeping pills over the last couple months because of a few reasons. One being that I have been so overworked, and so tired all the time that falling asleep hasn't really been an issue, and secondly, I simply ran out of them and couldn't bring myself to find the time to go get more, so you could call it the laziness factor. Well, more recently, as in the last couple weeks, I've found myself unable to fall asleep, or even relax at all. I've been so wound up and anxious at all times, and it only gets worse at night time. I lay in bed with my mind cycling over and over the same thoughts, school work, work drama or insecurities, games I'm interested in, over and over and faster and faster and I can barely stand it. I know that generally speaking sleeping pills somewhat shut off my thinking (if they work properly) so it's a solution to a problem. In an effort to fight this recent issue, I went and bought some more pills, and have been taking them on nights where I've felt extra anxious and had racing thoughts... so every night since I got them.

I had more to write but I'm suddenly completely uninterested in doing so.

I worked at 6am this morning. I woke up at 5:50am. Do you see the problem here? Yes, that's right, I woke up when I should've been starting work, and I said - out loud- "You've got to be kidding me". It was hard to believe, especially considering I had gone to sleep relatively early compared to when I normally sleep. Bed by 11pm, I would usually have no problem waking up, and I almost always set my phone's alarm on nights where I need to wake up at ungodly hours, but this night... I forgot, or didn't think it necessary... whichever.

I haven't really been able to write lately, I'm not sure why, but, I don't feel very good about it. This week has been less then spectacular, and I feel a weight upon my chest that seems all too familiar.