Excessive

Today was an aggravating day, where I felt more angry inside than I have in a long time. I think I just woke up in a bad mood, and from the first second I was was at work it just got worse. It's the typical things, at first glance it comes off as everyone at work being lazy, or stupid, or both, but if thought about for a few more seconds, perhaps it's an inability to prioritize, or lack of experience. I don't know what it is, but I'm getting sick of going above and beyond and getting no rewards.

I kind of feel llke crying a lot right now and I don't really know why. Well, a chemical imbalance I suppose, but I just feel so strongly right now that I want to create something, do something, be creative, be impressive.

Not sure where I left off really... but in the last few days, I've had Ally and Linzie over quite a bit, where we generally play games, watch TV, listen to music and giggle like small children. Linzie has been continuing her Resident Evil 4 game (I believe she's in her third year of attempting to beat it), and Ally and I watched Prison Break and Heroes (yay!), and we usually just giggle for hours at inside jokes only her and I would ever get because we don't even usually have to say words.

Today sucks... I got a headache last night, and I've still got it tonight, which is just complete bullshit if you ask me. I've currently got a stomach ache, headache, I'm bored, hot, my hands are cold, and I'm tired.

... the movement of her hand waving goodbye...

This site doesn't look as good in firefox as it does in Internet Explorer... the borders are messed up and there is too much of a space at the beginning and the end of the post. Something that small bugs the hell out of me, as most of my friends would know. Usually when it comes to programming, I'm a picky bastard, so this has just been driving me nuts and I even tried to fix it... for about an hour I played around with my code trying to fix the borders but it just never changed. I know no one reading this is probably a web programmer or html expert, especially not firefox based, but if you know WHY the borders look.. inset, and not just full of color (ie. not shaded) tell me... for the love of fucking god tell me.

I just emerged from the greatest bath EVER! regardless of what Ally says. What made it relaxing you ask? Well I'll tell you! *looks around slowly* oooh, now? Alright. First, it was burningly (yes, a word) hot, which not only eases the muscles, aches and pains, but also.. does.. other relaxing things.. like.. melts layers of skin off and the such, which is also a bonus; less to clean you know. Also, Kairi kept me company the whole time, which has become quite a regular thing to happen; everytime I have a bath, she sits with me, purs, rolls around on the floor, comes up on the side of the tub and rubs against me, trusting me completley not to let her fall in the water, because she puts all her weight on my hand, so I could just pull away and in she'd fall, and the funny thing is, she doesn't mind water at all. I pet her with my wet hands and she gets soaking wet but never complains or runs away.. so I bet she wouldn't care that much if she fell in, except for the heat; that's the only thing I worry about, her getting burnt or something.. or her drowning.. so I'm not gonna push her in or something. Back to the bath though: I washed my body with my irish spring sport (because I play so many sports) TWICE, both times with a complete FLOOF treatment! YES! I used a floof! OKAY!? GET OVER IT!! I say to you all now, if you don't use a floof, go get a floof, because without a floof, you're ... floofless. It's soooo nice. It makes your soap get all suddy and feels like its cleaning you, your skin feels smooth and wow, it just cleans like GOD! So that made me feel good, and then I washed my hair with great smelling manderin shampoo... twice! and then conditioned it, and washed my face with face.. washing.. stuff. Aaaynway, it resulted in making me feel clean, fresh and great. I loves my baths *hugs baths* GET AWAY!

I don't think there is a word you can use to describe what I feel towards myself... or how I would describe myself, or catagorize myself as being; and I mean this on a much deeper level than you probably assume. I know that everything around me has changed, thus reflecting on me; changing who I am, how I act and react and such, and also changing how I see myself and others, but there is also some severe changes happening inside of my mind that cannot be reversed, but also hide themselves underneath my psychosis and neurosis, and they're very difficult to spot, and only under very specific circumstances can I catch a glimpse as to what I've become. It is a very scary thing indeed.