Excessive

Creatively stagnant, I've been sitting here trying to program; trying to improve something I've been working on for awhile, and can't seem to do anything worthwhile. It's frustrating, but I can't let it upset me, because it's supposed to be something I do to relax, so what's the point if it just pisses me off?

I'm getting a headache, and I'm really hot at the moment. Blerh.

I'm cold, watching bad movies, and can't really get anything done, think or concentrate.

Yeah I just closed my browser without thinking about it and erased like, two paragraphs of text.

I've been having difficulty redesigning the backend of this website recently, I've been trying to recreate it in a completely object oriented design, but I've been having a lot of trouble visualizing it in my head, or even on paper, but I've been having a lot of issues with concentration in the last couple of weeks. Even now, I'm rewriting the same lines of text twice in a row and shit, and having to backspace.

I slept in today and woke up late, around 9:30 or so, and pretty much just layed on the couch the entire day. I was depressed, I was completely spiritless, I was down, crushed, slow, lazy, low. I watched Jimmy Fallon with breakfast, which was awesome, I put on some movies, specifically I watched My Name Is Bruce which is this awesome Bruce Cambell movie. I also watched half of the Hangover because I love it and it's funny. While the movies were on or whatever, I slowly worked away at some of the website stuff, I actually made a bit of progress by working on the user class, which handles logging in beautifully, I simply create an instance of a user object, and then call user.login() and bam, if the user has the login information stored in cookies, it checks that, and it also checks to see if someone submitted a login form and tries to login with that if it exists... yeah, you don't care, but it helps to type it out because it might give me ideas.

The Electrocult show last night was really weird, but the boys put on an awesome performance, and especially Kurt was really impressive. The atmosphere (because of the venue) was really odd... but watching them play was enjoyable, even though Vanessa and Brittanny never showed up. I'll perhaps go into more detail about not only the show, but the whole day later on, but right now I've got a beast of a migrane that oxycontin isn't even numbing. I really wish I had someone to hug me :(

Why is it that whenever I go to bed now, I lay awake and think horrible things that make me cry and unsleepy? Why is it that for the last few days, I've laid in the dark and thought about what it was like to be alone in that hospital? or how it felt to have my heart ripped out. or the looks on faces, the sounds in the voices...