Excessive

Today was a bit more relaxed at work. It was raining a lot, and damp and gross. I couldn't go for a walk, and that always makes me feel crazy.

Yeah, so it's been awhile since I've written, and I can only blame myself. I've been having a difficult time, as usual, and have been distracted. On a positive note, I've been distracted with at least attempting to come up with strategies to manage my issues... fuck I hate that word. Um, strategies to manage my thoughts and behaviors. I kind of got fed up with not being able to deal with insane manic behavior, uncontrollable insane thoughts, not being able to enjoy my time off, racing heart even when nothing much is happening, and just... I just got so upset, and fed up with my inability to cope with life that I bought a couple books. One is a workbook for Bipolar II, which involves reading about different strategies and methods for dealing with specific obstacles, and then has worksheets which you fill out, come up with answers and apply it to your own life. It's been helpful, when I'm in the right mood, which is kind of a bad sign, because I need it to help when I'm in the worst of moods, when I need it the most. The other book is part biography, and part self-help book, and it's less relatable.

I feel odd today... today should've been a good day, but I'm left feeling off, not quite right. I've tried to explain it, and I've written it here a hundred times... how I feel when I feel this way, what it is that runs through my head, distorts my perspective and destroys any sense of security I may have formed in recent times.

I've been pretty happy lately playing a lot of Super Metroid. Emily is also playing through the game so I get to watch her, which is fun in it's own way. Emily, at one point, told me to sit down and play through the game from start to finish in under 2 hours. So I did. I finished the game with 1 hour and 33 minutes on the clock. So, along with that game, I also have my more 'serious' game, which I'm attempting to collect 100% of the items, and just take my time... since I rushed through so quickly before.