Excessive

I feel like I've been censoring myself, and not just a little bit, but holding back most of what's going on inside of me. I do write personal things in a book, but that's different. I used to write everything on this website, but lately I've been very aware of exactly who is reading it, and who is not, and I'm not sure exactly what it is, but it shapes what I talk about, or the things I mention.

I don't have much to write tonight, mostly because it was rather uneventful.

Work was somewhat stressful due to certain circumstances, mainly because we had a wedding that I was supposed to get ready, but I was stuck in the cafe all lunch, so I didn't even start until afterward. Eventually, once more staff arrived, I organized all of them and got them working on stuff, and I stayed two hours late and finally left at 5pm. Hannah ran into me as I was leaving and offered me a ride part way home, so I said sure, and she drove me to Dundas and Richmond, so it shaved thirty minutes or more off my travel time, which was appreciated.

Third work day in a row finished, five more in a row to go!

Today was pretty good. Condescending asshole was there, but he was only an asshole onces, so that's cool, and people were more talkative to me.

As I was leaving, a brand new dishwasher girl came in and like when I started, no one told her anything about anything, and she was only 15 and didn't know how to use the dishwasher. I knew how she must feel, so I took her on a tour of the place and showed her both kitchens and both ways to get between them, showed her how to do the dishes, and the basic strategy of doing the Cafe's dishes until there are only a few, then going back to the main kitchen and doing those for a bit. I hope I made her feel a bit better, and I hope she did okay when I was gone, cause I know how hard it was for me at first, and I don't wish that on anyone. I could've stayed and helped and taught her but I was tired and it was the end of my shift, but I still felt kinda bad leaving.

I played 2moons a tiny bit tonight, and a bit of Rtype-3 but the game kinda bugs me... it's alright though. I was hoping that Ben would be online for some 2moons action, but no dice! I'll probably have a bath soon however, and find something to watch as I get ready to fall asleep.

Oh yeah, when I got home from work I did all the dishes, took out the garbage and cleaned the litter... it was really hard to push myself to do it, but considering I work so many more days in a row now, it's never gonna get any easier and it had to be done. I then made spaghetti dinner and had a nice evening.

Oh yeah, and Mark's not feeling well, and that sucks. So, feel better Mark. Hurry up and buy a laptop. We need to 2moons it up!

I feel heavy again... not physically but mentally (I'd say spiritually but I fucking hate that word). I have a massive gum infection, which results in a toothache in pretty much all the teeth on the left side of my mouth, top and bottom. I can taste the poison seeping out from my gums, and I swallow it and now I feel terribly sick, but I bet it's just all in my head, but that realization doesn't help me feel any better. I'm tryin gto eat things to cover the taste but it doesn't take the pain away. It's really the only thing standing in between me and feeling light and happy, a feeling I wish everyone felt, because not only do I have to worry about feeling sick and being in indescribable pain, I have to worry about dentist appointments, and worse still, paying the dentist bill, which I'm probably going to ask my Mom to put it on one of her credit cards, so I can pay it up front and get the refund from work, and then pay the rest off monthly. God fucking dammit why does this shit have to have happen to me... just not fair... I was actually happy there for three days.

My pet monster, a monster of a friend,
my pet monster, on him I can depend,
he's big and blue and scary,
but a friendly monster too.
My pet monster, pet monster I love you!