Excessive

Alright so maybe it's too late, maybe it's too late at night and I can't keep this up. Maybe my routine isn't working out, but it's hard to say for sure. Bekki told me to stop going to bed so late cause I'm always tired, but I have issues changing routine, especially after I've set my mind on it. It sucks because if the routine gets pushed back, it has a pretty big impact on all aspects of it.

While on a different day, the events that took place today could've made a relaxing day, I found today to be abnormally stressful and painful, to the point of near collapse at multiple points, both mental and physical. A combination of school work and resulting frustration and dissatisfaction, combined with a migraine that's been going up and down, worse to better to much worse to a bit better, and I guess it was mainly those two things that kind of ruined my day.

As I've wrote a hundred times, I suffer from anxiety as if I were about to go on a stage and perform or give a speech, that crippling anxiety or butterflies that appear in your stomach, but it comes and goes but it's always present, at least in some amount. Anyway, the point I'd like to make in this paragraph is that for the last week or two it's been a bit worse than normal. I always assume that the main source of the anxiety is the ever looming shifts at work, for whatever reason, they make me nervous, and I know that they shouldn't... and I think it's something that only comes when I'm in school. But then fast forward to Monday or Tuesday, where I know I don't have to go back to work for days and days, and yet I still feel nervous. I feel nervous when I wake up and get ready for school, and I feel nervous sitting in class, and I feel nervous when I get home. I feel like I'm waiting for something terrible to happen but I don't know what. The point of this paragraph was to simply state that that has been happening, and no real point beyond that.

As I've said, this website is a constant work in progress, where I'm constantly coming up with ideas and receiving ideas and suggestions from users, and I add or improve features as much as I can. Over the last week or two, I've made a few changes that are worth noting.

Today was a day filled with preperation, and not much more. Preparing for visitors, preparing for dinner, preparing for dessert, preparing for some assholes to come into my home. I was having my Mom and Sister over to celebrate my Mom's birthday, even though it was a week late or whatever, it was the best time for all of us to get together, so it worked out. She wanted to try my home made pizza dough, so I took orders from them and made sure I had the ingredients, and made them the dough, let it proof over the course of the day, and had it ready to be made when they got here. I let them top their own pizzas, and then we threw them in the oven and about ten minutes later they were ready!

I woke up with somewhat of a dry throat, a discomfort in my back and not a feeling of being rested. I had so much trouble falling asleep last night that I ended up listening through three episodes of the GFW Radio podcast, and playing Pokemon two different times. It really sucked, and I'm pretty tired now because of that, but god knows I won't be able to sleep come tonight.

I can't seem to torrent anymore.

I actually made it through the entire day of work today... it felt pretty satisfying at the end to know I toughed it out and made it; and I only got caught for taking long breaks once! SCORE! I guess it was a pretty decent day of work anyway... I only had one irate and it was easy to push him on a supervisor and I guess I handled the rest pretty well... one guy was really nice and it went on for about 90 minutes and he wanted help on things that had nothing to do with what I support, but I made it so I could help him do SOME things, so I wouldn't get in trouble for helping him do things we aren't supposed to support. Although I brought my lunch, it wasn't enough to make me feel full or anything. I just brought a box of mini-pizzas (comes with two little pizzas); the thing is, I left the pizzas out for about two days, so they had melted and looked all funny... thankfully they tasted alright but they didn't really dent my hunger. I had to buy a drink a few times and I bought $0.45 worth of olives on a paper plate and ate them... nummy! Bleerh. I always enjoy work more when I have tons to eat.. like a sandwich, pizzas, two puddings, applesauce, a yogurt and some other snacks.