Excessive

Yes, I should be sleeping. I know I'm going to be tired tomorrow. In fact I kind of lost track of time and forgot to take my sleeping pill at a reasonable time, so I just took it, so it's going to be even more difficult to wake up and I'll be more tired than normal.

But I don't want to go to work.

I should be writing, I should have words flowing from my fingertips; I sit here feeling empty and numb, although I occasionally turned and pet sleeping Marle and she makes a little noise and I smile inside.

I think Friday's are my least favorite day of the week, specifically because I wake up late, have only two or three hours to be alive, and then I have to leave for work. Not only do I have to work, but I get to work at a time where a lot of things are half done, or finished, and it's unorganised and difficult to just jump in.

I knew I was going to get a migraine, I wrote it on Twitter to prove that I could predict it. I started feeling dizzy and my eyes hurt, and now here I am, in near unbearable pain. I've taken three extra strength tylenol and one advil, and now a sleeping pill, but I'm still in pain just sitting here. I want to get tired so I can just go to sleep.

I've just finished adding the ability for users to change their display name, avatar and password on the new site redesign, so I think... I think maybe all the features are done and working.

Can't seem to get going here. I was looking forward to write, I even set aside time to do so, and yet I can't seem to write anything.

Today school was stressful, because going in we didn't know who was going to be presenting in class, and not knowing is more scary than knowing. As it turns out, I didn't have to present today, but will have to tomorrow, so I do feel pretty nervous about that, but I know that no matter what happens, the day will end and a new day will begin and it'll be a memory, good or bad, it'll be over.

I'm just about done with the website redesign, I'm thinking of changing the page so it uses the new design. There are a few things like, most important is adding in a way for users to change their password and set their avatar. Besides that, I've think I've done a good job thinking of everything, but I'll have to really give it some final thought.

Why do I feel so completely useless? What is so different between yesterday and today? Why did I feel so calm and relaxed and actually good yesterday, and here I am today with a chance to relax and I feel terrible? My heart is pounding and I can't focus and it's so unenjoyable.

I wish I knew why I had to suffer through this. Why I have some free time but waste it worrying and feeling like crap. I watched a movie, and worked on some website stuff, and did a homework assignment... I've accomplished things, but I can't relax. I feel like I'm doing something wrong...

Today was both good and bad, good in the sense that everything at work went well, bad in the sense that I was really tired and blerh. Julie drove me home after we kind of snuck out early, but not too early, 2:30pm, and once I got home I had a nice, hot shower as I cooked my microwaveable lasagna, ate that while I watched SNL, and then napped on the couch for three hours.