Excessive

I don't have time to write anything significant tonight, nor do I have the energy or motivation. I'm getting sick and I can feel it getting worse... I woke up this morning with a bit of a 'sore throat' feeling... it's almost more sinus, like a sinus infection or something, like the back-back of my throat is what hurts, like when I go to sneeze, it hurts. It just kept getting worse and worse as the day went, ended up getting a headache and feeling worse.

I took a sleeping pill early and put on a hilariously bad movie "I am Number Four" in an attempt to block out all thought and feeling for as long as possible, and it's not quite working, as I've been staring at this stupid form for a long time and unable to write anything... but then again, maybe that is what I was going for... can't think or feel anything to write.

I know what it feels like to be forgotten, to be discarded. To feel unimportant, a distant thought.

Today sucked for the most part. Julie came over after she was done work as I think human contact was an important aspect of my day, and we watched some TV and it made me feel slightly more normal.

You would think I would have a complete template for writing entries by this point but I still sit down and have no idea where to start each day, but... I guess it always comes together on it's own. I'm curious how many entries I've started talking about this exact topic... probably more than just one.

I had things to say, I remember thinking about them and saying, "Oh, that would be a good thing to write!" but then here I am, trying to write, and a bunch of blank space seems to be present in my mind.

My day was pretty stupid I guess. I kind of wasted it, my fault - I know, I could be smarter, I could do smarter things. I'm kind of self-destructive I guess, I mean, this isn't new information, I continually discover the same things about myself year after year and then write about it as if it was some kind of new revelation, but I suppose if I didn't, I wouldn't have anything to write about right?

I feel like I've done this before...

I'm tired, so very tired. I worked for 23.25 hours in the last two days and I can't even keep my head up.

What a long day... but it didn't feel that long I guess (no, that's not what she said, shut up). Should I start from the beginning? I guess so...