Excessive

Time has gone by and I haven't sat down to write, and that's basically because my entire life is different now. I no longer sit on the living room floor, watch endless movies and need things to use up my spare time. I have no time to do anything extra anymore, and that's a good thing, in a way, and so writing doesn't usually make the list, although I wish it did, there are other, more important things that usually come first.

A year ago I figured I'd grow old alone but be okay with it; that I would be comfortable alone, perhaps my dream of starting a family would never come true, but the sooner I accepted that I was destined to be alone, the easier it would be to move on. For the last few years, thoughts of marriage and starting a family (ie. children) had been floating through my head, but the question always remained, "would I ever find that one person I could picture as the mother of my children?" and that also seemed like an impossible task.

I woke up on time this morning, although I don't quite remember. The morning is kind of a haze at this point, and I don't specifically remember much of anything up until about two hours ago, and I think my level of tiredness has something to do with that, but let's see what I can do.

I'm tired and should be asleep, but I'm not... instead I'm sitting at my computer with a snack and starting to write an entry. The reason - I'm sure you're asking - is because I haven't actually had a chance to sit and do anything of my choosing yet today, and that can be an unsettling feeling. I'm trying my very best to relax right now, but I know that I have limited time, so... I'm really trying to appreciate this fifteen minutes or so.

Feeling down in the dumps.

I'm extra tired and can't bring myself to write a bunch but I can throw down an overview before I head to bed.

I've been working a lot extra at work lately, average shift is 9.75 hours, and last four days I've worked 45 hours or something, and my body is sore, my mind is aching for some relaxation, and I'm feeling on the up.

Last night I proposed to Bekki and she said yes. We're getting married in May.

I just worked 12 hours and can't write but I'm truly excited inside. I will write all about it tomorrow, I promise.

Alone I break. Renounced.

I haven't been doing well recently, and it seems like the only time I write is when I feel this way, or at least it seems all my entries start with the same sentence. How many times do I have to complain about the same thing before it stops holding any meaning?

Terrible day, pretty much. I kinda hate work now, don't feel that comfortable there anymore. I didn't eat anything today besides a bagel at 5:20am and a bowl of chips five minutes ago. I feel like shit, feel worthless, feel like a joke.

I'm taking a sleeping pill and pretending I don't exist now.