Excessive

I got married yesterday.

It was perfect.

I think it's safe to say that today was a stressful day.

It's the night before my wedding, if you didn't know, which you probably didn't, because I haven't been writing, and you're probably reading this in the future at some point, and it's probably just me reading, so really I'm just talking to myself.

I'm anxious, and it suddenly hit me, and I never know what to do, and I usually waste my day or feel stupid or regretful for how I act, what I waste and the time I give up just because I feel anxious. Deep breaths? Re-asses my plan for the day... figure out what triggered this feeling?

About two weeks until the wedding.

Surprisingly, it's probably the thing I'm the least stressed out about, and I am excited for it. I'm stressed out about work, and how much time I spend there, and my Dog, who brings out a rage in me when she does stupid shit for no reason, and really makes me hate both owning a dog, and also hate myself.

I've lost the ability to relax and not feel anxious. Today was a day off and while I tried my best to just feel at reset, I felt nervous the whole time, had butterflies in my stomach.

I'm writing an XML parser / XML reader for no reason besides my own amusement, which is both nerdy, but fun, so I don't care. It's hard to find time to work on it, or find time where I'm awake enough to work on it, and it can be frustrating because I sit down to work and I am just so tired that I can't understand the basic concepts that make up the project.

Today wasn't the best day for me, and while it personally feels - right at this moment - like I've felt like this for as long as I can remember, I know that I felt good yesterday for a bit, and I know it wasn't this bad, but right now, right at this moment, I feel helpless, sad and most importantly, frustrated.

I just finished a long work week... my first week back since I finished fifth semester of schoo. I went right from exams into working seven or eight days straight, so it's been tiring to say the least.