Excessive

rockin my fuckin shades

I feel heavy again... not weight wise of course (well, a little bit) but I mean, my soul, or my mind, or whatever it is that exists in there. I feel heavy again after going through about three days of a cleansing, and feeling great, and feeling tingly about nothing, and playing games carelessly and not worrying about anything. This heavy feeling on my chest is back and I'm not sure why because it seems like everything is going okay I guess... I'm pretty apathetic about a few things, specifically people. I've almost completely stopped caring about the relationships I have with people... even so much that I've almost lost contact with my family completely, and the rest I just can't seem to bring myself to care at all... it just doesn't click inside... nothings there.

I'm basically only doing this because everyone else is and I want to be cool and fit in :(

I changed some of the questions or modified them slightly because well, i thought some of them were retarded and irrelevant (jello? wtf..)

Mark's Tattoo Video (5.8mb) - right click save as

Michelle's camera compressed the video in an unrecognized way, so Premier won't open the file for resizing or compression, so... dammit. Enjoy.

I learned an important lesson last night. People who have been drinking, should NOT view live journal friends pages. that is all.

Work was okay yesterday... I had a massive gum ache, as you all know, but I took 8 advil and it subsided for a bit... then work was over.

Mark and I got pizza after work.. yum. Can you tell I'm not in the mood to write right now? Why would I be writing then you ask? I have no idea... I think it's because I'm bored on a call thats doing a recovery and the penny-arcade forums are down so I have nothing else to do. We took the bus down to dundas and richmond, met Michelle, walked accross the street and spotted Ronda, so Mark quickly walked by and we avoided her, got to the dissent and talk to Sarah and Steve, and then Ronda started wakling close to us again, so Mark pushed us down the stairs and into the bar. Thing is, we weren't gonna go in until after I went home and got ready for the party, but there we were, in the bar, so we bought some beer (TJ gave us a $1.50 discount, how sweet). We drank those with Sarah, Steve, some guy.. and I don't remember who else... then left for home, cause I had to get ready to go out.

I feel heavy again... not physically but mentally (I'd say spiritually but I fucking hate that word). I have a massive gum infection, which results in a toothache in pretty much all the teeth on the left side of my mouth, top and bottom. I can taste the poison seeping out from my gums, and I swallow it and now I feel terribly sick, but I bet it's just all in my head, but that realization doesn't help me feel any better. I'm tryin gto eat things to cover the taste but it doesn't take the pain away. It's really the only thing standing in between me and feeling light and happy, a feeling I wish everyone felt, because not only do I have to worry about feeling sick and being in indescribable pain, I have to worry about dentist appointments, and worse still, paying the dentist bill, which I'm probably going to ask my Mom to put it on one of her credit cards, so I can pay it up front and get the refund from work, and then pay the rest off monthly. God fucking dammit why does this shit have to have happen to me... just not fair... I was actually happy there for three days.

My pet monster, a monster of a friend,
my pet monster, on him I can depend,
he's big and blue and scary,
but a friendly monster too.
My pet monster, pet monster I love you!