Excessive

I sat down to write about a half hour ago but got distracted with songs and lyrics and forgetting everything. It's nice to take a few minutes to fly away to a far away place.

I don't learn, I don't learn from my mistakes. I'm fighting here not to write another long, drawn out dramatic entry about feelings and disappointment, and I think perhaps the time I've spent being hurt or angry, staring at this empty editing box, it's kind of subsided. I've buried it down perhaps, to come up and bother me at some later point, maybe later in the week, or maybe later in the month... who knows.

Today felt like a long day, not necessarily a bad day, but a long day none the less. A day filled with nice reminders about how irresponsible, stupid, thoughtless people can be, how some people default to asshole as their natural state.

Today wasn't exactly what I had expected but for the most part it was an okay, somewhat relaxing and semi-productive. I was in a pretty good mood for most of the day, and it was actually a bath that suddenly made me feel a bit down, not really related to said bathing, but I suppose it had something to do just having the time to think, and that never works out for me.

Note To Self: Don't get drunk, come home, and hate yourself.

I had a rather uneventful day today, and I suppose that's what I wanted. I played Skyrim, walked to the grocery store, had meatloaf and mashed potatoes for dinner, and then had a bath later on.

I don't have much to say today... I think I got a lot of it out of my system. I'm nervous about the next few days as life goes back to normal, I always have such difficulty adjusting to things.

Hey, life doesn't have to be all negative. Life can be hot pictures of pretty girls.

I don't remember what I've written about, what I've talked about, I'm not even sure how many days it's been. I've been on drugs pretty much 24/7 since... Thursday? I don't even remember the day it happened. I don't have clear memories of events, or the order of events, in fact most things are a blur of strange emotions and occurrences that don't quite make sense. I've tried playing with sobriety today but it didn't work out. I felt pain and discomfort, and gave in and took meds. I've also been taking Xanax pretty regularly... at first I was taking it to ease the anxiety related to going to the dentist and dealing with the giant swelling jaw that I had, but I've continued using it because the almost drunkenness it causes is a... not a break, but... something similar, to life.

I don't even know where to begin, or what to write about. These last few days have been a crazy, weird, drug induced blur of strange events that blend together and seem to be in random order. I've been on a steady intake of tylenol 3's, antibiotics, xanax, advil and... that might be it. Sleeping pill sometimes too.