Excessive

Well since I've been running a 'Blog'/Website for over five years now, I figured I could put a bit of what I've learned in that time onto digital paper, and share it with those who also run such a website. I have a hard time reading various blogs because of many reasons... bleh.. I don't know where I was going with that.. aaanyway, I was in a writing mood, so after I wrote up a Resident Evil 4 review, I was doing the dishes and I just ran to the computer and started writing. Here are: The Rules of the Blog! Reader discression is advice... speak of penis touching is involved, as well as OPINION. So if you can picture me telling you to fuck off, just do so in advance. and for those of you who are just skimming, I'll put a link on it's own line, so you don't miss it... .. retards.

How am I supposed to function in life if I can't even get enough courage to get out of bed in the morning. I'm scared of everything! It has gotten out of hand; to the point where I'm going to have to go to the doctors and talk and see what I can do. I can't go to work, I can't even feel comfortable leaving my apartment for any reason at all, even things like going to the store. This condition keeps getting worse and worse... nothing helps. Writing used to be therapy for me... now it feels like a chore, pointless and stupid, uninteresting and completely retarded (like me!) At least I used to feel angry at things... now I'm just numb to everything so much, and I'm so scared of anything and everything... how the hell am I going to live a life like this... what am I supposed to do? WHAT?

I wish I were a cat; I wish I could lay on the couch with Marle ALL day, never saying a word, maybe never even opening my eyes. That would be perfection; such carelessness, no responsibility, relaxation... that would be my heaven. My eyes are so heavy and it's so early, I despise that, I hate it so much. I hate the fact that I have work tomorrow; that I have to go alone. I'm terrified... I'm scared beyond the limits of my mind. I can't see the buttons on the phone because I black out so much and have constant panic attacks... I'm so weak.

More complaining... more and more complaining... when will it ever end. When will this place become a creative outlet of positive and interesting information, why must it be a place I go to bitch and bitch about the same stupid things...

fayt

I miss my friends, I miss my family; will I ever see them again? Will I ever feel light and free? What happens at the end of the line...

Ryu - the main character Breath of Fire: Dragon Quarter

You know it's been a successful night of gaming if your thighs are stinging with pain, it feels like your hips are actually going to crack and split apart, your nuckles feel larger than your skull, and your knees ache beyond what normal human minds could comprenhend. Yes, I love gaming, and I suppose this is the price I must pay for happiness of this kind; always a tradeoff! bastards...

In the last few days I've played a hundered million hours of Star Ocean: Till The End of Time, which I think I can successfully say I've gotten back into; heavily perhaps. I play until my back is sore and my eyes are heavy and my knees hurt from sitting. The story is so involving and interesting and original, it's refreshing and enjoyable beyond anything I could've imagine. There are certain cut-scenes and storyline movies that last upwards of a half an hour to an hour, where you can put the controller down and sit back and enjoy the story... for awhile it just feels like you're watching an awesome anime movie, except this one lasts about 80 hours. I'm really becoming attatched to Fayt, the main character. At first I thought he was pretty cool, due to his blue hair of course, but now I really like his personality, the way he thinks, and reacts. He's very unsure of himself, and now, as the story is getting deeper and deeper, he's becoming more and more confused, but at the same time, maturing and becoming more determined and responsible.

I try and I try, but it seems I cannot write anymore. I've got no ability left inside me that lets me write anything worth reading. I'm uninteresting and uninspired. This place is dead and it's my fault. I'm so sick of my mind and the way it feels; I wish I could reach in and tear it out... I'm so sick of being so god damn fucking numb. If I ever do feel anything, it's usually pain or discomfort of some kind. I try and try to be happy, and nothing ever works; it always leads to more pain.