Excessive

I think I kind of screwed myself up... screwed myself over... or however you god damn want to put it. You see, I was hyper-focused on school, reading chapters of my books the day it was assigned, doing my homework regardless of the time, I was dedicated and in it, and working well. I was stressed and unhappy that I had no time to relax, so I worked really hard, got caught up and about two or three days ago I finished my work early, so I sat down and started playing Final Fantasy XIII-2, which was one of the first times I really spent any good amount of time relaxing since I started school. The problem was that it was really fun, and addictive, and now I want to play more.

Things have been overwhelming lately, so much that I feel an impending nervous breakdown on the horizon and feel helpless to avoid it. Considering all the shit that I've been through lately, my lack of free time, comforts, quality time with people important to me, and all of that shit, I feel as though I've been doing pretty well, but the last couple days I think it's been catching up with me, and I'm starting to have doubts about just how strong I really am.

Still attempting to balance work, school and relaxing. Been doing better at all three lately I think, but it leaves little time for anything else (like writing).

So it was a couple days ago now, but things have been so busy, shocking, depressing, terrible and overwhelming lately, that I haven't had a chance to sit down and breath, let alone write something, so I'm finally now taking five minutes to at least get started.

No time to write as I work, then go to school, then try to do all my homework... so many issues have been coming up that have been preventing me from being caught up with it all, and it's causing a fair amount of stress.

I worked today, went to school today, went to the gym today, and saw the Hobbit today. Today was a busy day, if you can't tell, and I think this may be one of the first times I've sat down and took a breath, or at least it feels that way.

Second day of school complete, and I went home early! Yeah, it may seem too early to start that, but it just makes sense and it works for me, so while it may seem stupid to skip physical classes, it's in my best interest to come home and view the FanLive sessions at my leisure.

There isn't enough time in the day to do everything that I need to do, and there certainly isn't enough time for me to do everything I want to do. I'm battling huge waves of anxiety as a bunch of things are moments away, and I'm terrified of what may happen.

Happy Motherfuckin' New Year